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Oh, like at some point in your life, probably in kindergarten, you were singing the alphabet song and you didn’t wonder the same thing.

As kids, we all heard words we didn’t understand all the time, and usually we just took them in without arguing because, after all, the whole world was still a wonderful mystery. For instance, at Christmas:

When you were singing that Christmas carol and you wondered whether EGG-SHELL-ZES were a special kind of egg shells? And what they had to do with Christ’s birth?

And you knew the reindeer who hung around with Rudolf had clean white teeth because it said right in there in the song, “And all the reindeer loved him, as they shouted out with GLEEM.”

Then you got a baby brother and your mother sang that lullaby:
Rock-a-bye, baby
In the treetop
When the wind blows
The cradle will rock
When the ball breaks …
WHEN THE BALL BREAKS?!
Ouch. That’s going to hurt.

Do you remember listening as your teacher read you the book Snow White? Snow White had, “Skin as white as snow, and lips as red as blood, and her hair was as black as anybody’s …”

Wait. Let’s back that up. That’s, “Hair as black as EBONY.”

Ack! What about the time you were in first grade, and your mom was driving you to your advanced math-and-science elementary school, and you pointed at a beautiful blooming shrub covered with lavender flowers, and said, “Look! A bacteria!”

Bacteria. Wisteria. Close enough.

Not that I ever thought any of this stuff. And I most certainly never wanted to ride on a magnificent YAGT (a boat rich people own.)

What about you? What embarrassing stuff did you not think and not say? Tell me all about it so I can guffaw as I consume my SEE-SAME seed bagel.
Christina’s Website