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I can’t think of a thing that *I* thought, but I do remember reading an article many, many years ago about forsythia blooming in the Spring. 

When the writer was a little girl she remembered thinking that the bush was named in remembrance of a little girl named Sythia, who had died.  The bush was named For Sythia.  Whenever I see a forsythia bursting with yellow flowers in bloom, I think of that article.

What a cute topic, Christina! I remember an incident from when I was eleven or twelve and staying with my English penfriend for the very first time. I had had about one year of English, i.e., I understood more or less nothing. One day the earth shook. Just a tiny, little bit, but still, it provided for great excitement and people ran out into the streets, etc. In the afternoon, my friend’s mother asked me, “And how did you like the earthquake, Sandra?”

Huh? East-what? Help! Panic! Frantically, I tried to remember what we had done that day and where we had been. Somewhere East-something, apparently. Heck, whatever, I was sure I had enjoyed myself.

So I beamed at her and said, “I liked it. Very much.”

Sandra,
what a funny story!  I was just the same when I first started going to Italy in the summer with my (now) husband to stay with his family.  For one thing, I thought my mother-in-law was always angry and screaming—in fact, she’s a very tranquil person but she speaks with vehemence *g*.

And I was always making ridiculous mistakes as I tried to sort through what they were saying to me.  It never made any sense to me, for example, that pepperoni (we know what that is) in Italian means peppers not sausage. 

Eloisa

I grew up in a suburb of NYC and had a deli around the corner from my house. There was a sign over the counter that said, No Beer Sold to Minors. Me, I’m wondering where the heck the mine is and why the poor miners can’t have a drink just like everybody else.

My youngest daughter will be four in May and her thing is:  “Can I see my Little Murder-maid movie?” It cracks me up all the time.  Oh...and when my younger sister was eleven (she’s seventeen now) and was learning about the birds and the bees, she asked some weird question about a pen-is.  HA!!  We’ve been laughing our butts off on that one for years!

Ok...the running joke with my grandparents is that I after watching the Pollyanna movie and wanting soooo badly to be her I tried to learn the song “America, the Beautiful”...well when it got to the point “America!  America! God shed his grace on thee” I sang...*blushing* “America!  America! God spread his grease on me!”

Yeah...I was a little girl...but to this day, my aunts, uncles, grandparents, mother, cousins...alll love to tease me about that one.

HAHAHA my security word is myself85

FWIW, the late great etymologist John Ciardi claims to have coined “Elemenopic” to describe sequences of things or activities that appear to be in a linear progression but actually lead nowhere.  At the time (early ‘80’s just before his death) he was referring to the career of Ted Kennedy.  Just thought I’d share <g>.

This subject reminds me of the book we like here, “Olive the other Reindeer”, funny one!
When in 4th grade I pronouced Yosemite as yo-see-mitee,( all long vowels) that was one spelling bee I was glad to sit down on! I think my face was red for days.

This is so funny.  I’ve done this a LOT, mostly because I’ve always been a voracious reader and I learned to read with phonetics.  Let me just say that there are a LOT of words in the English language that are not pronounced the way they are spelled. Through in the slightly muddled pronounciations I get from having all Irish family on my dad’s side and, well......I still get giggles sometimes, though I can’t come up with any specific examples right now.  I mostly try to forget and move on.

A cute one from my daughter though: it’s Girl Guide cookie time and this is her first year.  We brought home our cases of cookies to sell and she asked me, “What kind of cookies are they?” I said, “They’re Girl Guide cookies.”.  Her eyes got huge and she shrieked “I don’t want any GUY cookies!!!”.  LOL.  We managed to convince her that there were no guys IN the cookies.

Wrong through.  Make that throw and the sentence make more sense.  That’s what I get for hitting submit....

le sigh

In the Catholic mass, right before communion, there is a part where the priest says, “This is the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world.  Happy are they who are called to His supper.” and the congregation replies “Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, only say the word and I shall be healed.” I still sometimes wonder, “Which word is it?”

This topic was also sweetly addressed in one of the Beverly Cleary books about Beezus and Ramona where Ramona wondered what the “danzer’s lee light” was in “The Star Spangled Banner.”

My daughter, during her potty training months, learned a few words of anatomy from her daycare provider:  boys have peanuts and girls have chinas.  (I’m sure the correct terms were given, it’s just this is how she pronounces them.) She’s five now and I haven’t corrected her on her pronunciation because I still think it’s funny.

When I was a kid I thought that the street signs that say “Not A Thru Street” were “Not a True Street”. I couldn’t figure out why they weren’t real.

We still giggle over misunderstood song lyrics at our house.  My husband’s favorite is my interpretation of Bob Welch’s SENTIMENTAL LADY.  It actually says, “Fourteen joys and a will to be merry” but for years I went around singing, “Fourteen jars and a wilted canary.”

I mostly blame my parents for the longevity of these sorts of mistakes; everytime any one of us made one, they (parents) replaced the correct version with the mistake.  For years wallet has been walnut, the hymn “Shackled by a heavy Burden” has been “Shack-ed by a heavy Bird,” “Play it by ear” turned into “Play with our ears” (my husband’s screw up) and now with my kids, our vocab has gotten even screwier. 

This is a scary blog, Xtina.  For years I thought elemenopee was one really long, weird word.

I missed you all.  We just got back from Mexico and on the last day, I ate something malismo.  I have a new, profound sympathy for what PJ has been going through.

In a previous post of mine , I referred to a funeral procession vehicle as a “hearst”. I was fully aware that it is a “hearse”. So I could blame it on a total Jessica Simpson moment or I can admit to the probability of mispronouncing this word until the day I die!

When I was in elementary school and read a book that took place in Nova Scotia, I thought it was pronounced Nova Scot-ee-a (with a hard T and long ee sound).  My stepfather, who was Canadian, corrected my pronunciation at some point when I actually said it out loud.  At the time I thought the name was much prettier in my original pronunciation.

My oldest son used to watch “Transformers”, a cartoon about trucks that transformed into robots.  The theme song contained the lyric “more than meets the eye”, which he heard as “mixbee, mixbee eyes”, and no amount of explanation would make him believe otherwise.

In my second grade I had a teacher named Mrs. Herzog.  When I got home from school, my dad asked us all about our day/new teachers.  Who is yours, he said?  Hmm, well I have a good memory but names I needed to work on - even then....Mrs. Hedgehog, I said.  There was much laughter.....

My dad was a teacher as well, and he told us stories about his students on occasion.  One was about singing “Oh Canada”.  One of the phrases is “Glorious and free”.  His student sang it as “Glory horse and free”.  Darn it all, if that isn’t how I think of it now.

Oh J Perry, I hope you get to feeling better soon!  My only non-cruise trip to Mexico resulted in five days in the hospital with salmonella poisoning :(

Hmmm.

1.) I used to think during the wedding vows it was “awfullly wedded wife” and not LAWFULLY wedded wife.

2.) In 1st grade I wrote my first story (it involved horses, obviously) and my horse was going to jump a stream.  Okay.  Well, I didn’t know how to spell ‘horse’ because it hadn’t come up on the test yet, so I asked Dad how to spell it--and he did.  However, I neglected to ask him to spell ‘jumped’ but instead relied on my hooked on phonics techique:  “The horse GUMPED the stream and raced up the hill...” I still can’t spell.  Thank God for Spellcheck.

My sister-in-law and I had rented ERIN BROCKOVICH when it first came out on video.  We were in a restaurant drive through when my 4-year-old niece asked her what movie we had rented. My niece couldn’t say Brockovich and it came out sounding more like, “I don’t want to watch f*** a b****.” She was still saying it rather loudly when we got to the window for our food.

My own moment was when reading aloud in 8th grade.  Instead of the building being engulfed in flames it was enfugled (which rhymes with bugle).

Reading above grade level led me into some humiliating errors when I was young--like the time I reduced a teacher I adored to helpless giggles when I, puffed up with knowledge, managed to work “mouse-ole-e-um” into a conversation.

Any teacher, I am sure, can give you dozens of examples. My personal favorites are the student who wrote, “Plato desired Persephone and spirited her away to Haiti” and the one who, in a detailed description of a room, included exact measurement for a “Chester drawers.”

I know one that is going into our family vocabulary is the five-year-old grand’s 2006 version of a well-known Christmas carol: “On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a party in a pear tree.”

Ok, here’s the sad truth…

For years, even into adulthood, I would read the word ‘epitome’ and pronounce it ‘Eh-pi- toehm’ in my head. But verbally, it was always ‘E-pi-tom-ie’. Odd, I know, but hey, that’s me. I still think it should be spelled ‘epitomy’-- it would make things much easier for morons like me~!

And I am ashamed to admit that to this day, when I’m reading, I have to stop and correct my in-head pronunciation of the word ‘draught’. I still want to hear it in my head like ‘drought’ with an ‘aw’ sound in the middle instead!

But then, as previously mentioned, I’m a moron.

And as for the Canadian anthem, my little guy who is 4 and in JK was learning it at at school, and ran around the house singing his new favourite song. But in his version ‘Our Home and Native Land’ was really ‘Our Home and Naked Land.’

Oh yes, we Canadians are a wild bunch!

Bar har har!  My dad is notorious for not getting things like that right and almost as if sensing the brilliance of Xtina’s blog, he called this morning to tell me he’d taped that new movie for my mom--you know--THE DEVIL IN PANDA…

The only time I can personally remember I messed up a word, was reading aloud in class--the word was corps, but I pronounced it corpse!  Slightly humiliating.

Both of my sons said peanuts, instead of penis when they were little--still makes me laugh and I remind them of it occasionally.

My eldest son also called a museum, a me-zoo-ze-um for years--that was my MIL’s fave.

Recently we were visiting friends and their 4 year-old daughter kept saying she wanted to listen to the song “F*** It Up”!  It’s really called “Pump It Up”, but her pronunciation sometimes is not so good.  OMG, I had to hide my face so I could laugh!!

We have a family recipe of something called “ham buns” - basically a small roll filled with chopped ham.  When I was a kid, I thought they were called “hand buns” because you held them in your hands.  I got in a big fight with my brother about it.  Did I feel stupid when I found out I was wrong. 

I know I’ve gotten lots of song lyrics wrong but right now I can’t think of any…

For some reason everytime I try to remember the name of the flower Climatis, I either say clitoris or clamidea. 

And those are obviously waaaaaay off.  I’ve finally learned to think really hard before saying anything out loud.

terrio, that last one reminded me of a friend of ours who was teaching Sunday school and said “orgasm” instead of “organism”.  Boy, was his face red!

I know someone (not me, of course) who when she was growing up in Queens thought that before she learned how to read lived on SODA Avenue and thought for a while that soda was spelled SUTTER.  Think heavy Italian accent laced with a Queens, New York one.

And let us not forget CINNAMON which, as we all know, means a word having a meaning similar to that of another.  And imagine what that other person did to the word STATISTICS.

Eliminopee? Pshh, my little sister was smarter than that....she sang “H-I-J-K-envelope-P!”

I remember we used to run around playing cops and robbers, screaming, “You’re under the rest!”

After moving to Florida from Maryland, we soon discovered why those big summer storms had such fast winds. After all, they weren’t called “hurry-canes” for no reason!

Also, I’d dream of the day I’d get older and be a “growin’ up”.

And don’t tell my sister I said this, but to this day, she still says “gaze-bo” as opposed to “gah-zee-bo”.

Teresa--I’m just going to admit that I’m that Sunday School teacher.  Thank God 3rd graders have short attention spans!

(((J. Perry))) I am so sorry.  I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, least of all someone I actually like!  Sure hope you’re feeling better soon!

Hugs,

PJ

The young daughter of a family friend was so proud to have learned The Lord’s Prayer.  We say it in church every Sunday and she was determined to be the loudest.  The first line:  “Our father Art’s in Heaven, Harold’s his name.”

My eldest son always sang the ABC’s with “ellamenopea"--it cracked my DH and I up so much that we swore that if we ever had a girl--we would name her “ELLA MENOPEA”

BTW, we have 3 boys--not an Ella in the bunch.

Have a great day!

Kim

I’ve been giggling thru my SEE-SAME bagel. These are wonderful! We have our own Funniest Home Videos.

J, I’m so sorry about Montezuma’s Revenge. Did you have fun before it struck???

Our kids are 4 and 5.5, and we are giggling almost daily over their misinterpretations of things. My son is playing Star Wars Lego on the computer today, and he keeps calling the Bounty Hunters ... Brownie Hunters. Works for me, I love brownies.

Oh, the “orgasm/organism” thing happened in my freshman high school biology class.  That was funny enough, but to happen in church would be even worse.

I remember giving an oral book report to my teacher in 6th grade - I don’t remember the book but there was a character named Phoebe in it.  It was the first time I encountered the name, and the teacher couldn’t figure out who I meant when I kept saying “foeb”.

Beth,
I won’t even tell you how I tried to pronounce “Hermione” until I saw the HARRY POTTER movies.  And I grew up thinking “Sean Connery” was “Seen Connery”.

I know of a child who was given a list of words to use instead of “said” when writing conversation.  As in, “The hill is steep,” he groaned. “Then stop driving so fast, you idiot,” she whimpered. And this child couldn’t figure out why everyone laughed when she wrote a story and one line was, “That’s terrifying!” he ejaculated.

I have no idea who the moron was who put “ejaculated” on a list of words to be used by fifth graders. Someone really cruel. He should be ejaculated out of a cannon.

I swear this was in all innocence.  In my freshman high school English class we were analyzing fairy tales - Little Red Riding Hood on this day in particular.  You can place a lot of sexual interpretation on the story and my teacher was trying to point that out in a very academic way.  He actually was doing a good job until he started talking about what happened to the characters whereupon I piped up “but the big bad wolf ate the grandmother.” I had no idea what I said until my teacher turned bright red and had to leave the room.  Then I turned bright red and the whole class erupted in laughter.

My oldest brother would sing the 12 Days of Christmas as “a part of a juniper tree” instead of partridge in a pear tree.

My niece had trouble pronouncing breakfast. It always came out brefticks. And lip balm always came out lipblam.

This is too funny!
I’m reminded of one of my mom’s stories.  Her family was from South America so she had an accent.  She interpreted the song, “I shot the sheriff,” as “I chop the cherry.” We always laughed at that one.

And for some reason, when I learned to read, I always had a problem with the ‘th’ sound.  I heard thevermind in place of nevermind much to my mortification.  And don’t get me started on Though-mas Jefferson.

The one my husband laughed at was my referring to the actor Sean Bean as “Seen Bean.  I never knew that ‘Sean’ was pronounced ‘Shawn’.

When my sister took my niece to the doctor once, my niece loudly asked in the waiting room why they call it ‘public’ hair.  My sister told her it was called pubic and it definitely wasn’t supposed to be public.

And then there was the time a friend of mine was teaching her 3-1/2 year old son the correct anatomical name for a wee-wee.

That Sunday, the pastor visited the 3 year olds in Sunday School and after church, he ran up to his parents in the foyer yelling, “Pastor Bill and his penis came to see us!” We still laugh hysterically about that one.

Andi.. Brownie Hunters… that is so cute~!!! lol

We grew up saying R 2 dooie.

Andi, we call eclairs “declares” in my family because one of the kids made the error and we all loved it, particularly since my Southern lady mother’s strongest exclamation was “I declare!”

Teresa, I once disgraced myself at the funeral of a great-aunt (who was well into her 90s) when the minister in charge of the service, intending to make a point about “erratic human behavior,” said instead “erotic human behavior.”

I should have known better than to eat my lunch while reading these!  I almost choked to death.

I know I have some of my own, especially with song lyrics, but for the life of me I cannot think of them.

My favorite one is my daughter’s, though.  I think I posted it here before.  When she was a toddler and I was making pancakes she would come in and ask to help.  She would say, “You mix, Mommy, and I’ll read the erections.” My husband loved that one.

oh and my brother called Pavarotti…

Paul Veroti.

Paul has such a great voice .

I just remembered when my sister was explaining to my parents why she wouldn’t eat squid.  “They have testicles, and I don’t wanna eat them,” she protested.

My dad’s jaw about dropped, and asked where she learned that word!

There were two that my daughter would say when she was very little that I always had to translate.  If she wanted a tissue she would ask for a tennis shoe and when it was time to go swimming she would get all excited about wearing her baby soup.

My friend’s son has a very strong accent (rural AR) and he always cracked me up.  Trucks had tars not tires and of course things were on far not fire.

When he was really little the ‘tr’ sound in truck would come out with an ‘f’ sound.  Oh, that was horrible....LOL!

Well, I actually said epitome as eh-pi-toem, to my middle school teacher, no less. Sigh.

We haven’t brought up typos yet. I just saw a great one the other day in a write-up on a junior financial analyst. His boss said he was “a star in a group composted of senior analysts.” That one was almost too good to correct!

When my brother was in grade school, he wrote a paper about our dog. We used to call the dog “Barney the beast” and so my brother referred to the dog as “the beast” throughout the story, except that he spelled it “breast”. I think my mom had to go talk to the teacher about that one…

you guys are killing me…

compoted

tars.

hahahaha. wayyy too funny.

Hm, the only ones I can think of are those words that you read in books, but rarely hear anyone use. When I was little, I pronounced “antique” as “ant-ick-yoo.” Made sense to me. I still have to think when I pronounce “renege,” b/c for some reason I always want to make it a soft “g.”

And of course, for several years I thought the prayer was:

“Lead a snot into temptation, but deliver US from evil” rather than “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

I still think it makes sense…

Yeah, Janga, I’ve been disgracing myself regularly while reading these.

When I read, “Pastor Bill and his penis came to see us!” all I could think was, “Penis—don’t leave home without it.”

Wirdald said, ““Lead a snot into temptation, but deliver US from evil” rather than “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” I still think it makes sense…”

Oh, me, too!

terrio, you reminded me, for the longest time I always thought they were “Tenner Shoes” not tennis shoes.  Don’t know where I got that one.

And a very embarrassing moment with my husband in the car driving with the radio on(years ago).  He says “Prue, it’s “A bad moon on the rise” not “there’s a bathroom on the right.”

Oh, the wicked typos.  Like the time I sent out an all company email and titled it ‘Thigh Priority’.

Or when I was selling a sewing machine and I sent it out as a sexing machine.  You can’t believe how many responses I received asking if it came with attachments.

Well ... Prue ... sorta close.

WAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, back to work with me. Thank you all!

My brother was convinced for years that Huey Lewis sang “Hit the B Square”.

My gaffe happened 7years ago.  I was new to the world of relocation (that’s what I do here at HSN) and attended a seminar on moving where “lawn carry” was brought up numerous times.  I couldn’t understand why we would charge extra to carry household goods across someone’s lawn (which I didn’t think was very nice to do to begin with).  I found out a YEAR later that the correct term is “long carry”.  I have been the butt of lawn jokes at conferences ever since.

First of all, I always skipped the “N” in the alphabet...it was such a hard thing to stick that “n” were it belonged that i had to slow down the l-m-n-o-p part…

I’m handicap, so when i was little the kids used to ask what was wrong with me and i would say they operated on me, but i would pronounce it without the “o” and in spanish it sounds like the word for “hit me”, so the poor kids had the look of horror on their faces until my mom finally corrected me *G*...poor kids probably traumatized them…

These are so funny! Just what I needed at the end of a long day.

A good friend of mine in grad school was from India, and while he grew up speaking English his vocabulary and cultural references weren’t the same as mine. He told me that not long after arriving in the US, he was in a lingerie department and wondered why they called it the “lingering” department - although he was happy to do so.

I had gotten into the habit of calling children “munchkins” a la Wizard of Oz. He hadn’t seen the movie, and thought he was mimicking me when he called kids “munchies”. That cracked me up, and I still call kids “munchies” sometimes, although I get odd looks…

A friend told me about a little boy she knows who is just learning to speak. His grandmother goes by “Gram”, but he can’t get the “gr”. He’s good at D, though, so he calls her “Dam”. Frequently. Loudly. In public. “DAM! DAM! DAM!”

(cont’d)

My great-grandmother had a similar problem - one of her grandchildren couldn’t say “Granny” so he called her “GaGa”. Soon everyone did. In her case, it fit rather well.

My own verbal transgressions are legion. I always pronounced “fiery” as “fear-ee”, because I thought it would be the same as “fierce”. I pronounced “sarcasm” as “sargatism” for the longest time, and I have no clue why. And once in elementary school, I was half-asleep while reading a report in front of the class and kept saying “Osmonds” instead of “Moslems”. Ouch.

There’s much much more. But I’ll maintain at least a few tatters of dignity.

(my confirmation code is “close48”, which is uncomfortably true, as I turn 46 in just a few months)

My 3 year old daughter says a certain F word instead of ‘fork.’ And she’s very vocal about what she needs in a restaurant. She will loudly demand, “I need keshup” “I need a f***!” Yeah, baby, don’t we all.

When I was 8 I had to ride in the limousine at my grandmother’s funeral with my grandfather and my parents. There is nothing to do at a funeral, so I read the Bible. At one point during the long and teary ride to the cemetery I asked my mom, “Mom, what are gen-eye-tals?” To give her credit, my mom barely looked fazed when she said, “I’ll tell you later, dear.” Of course, the magnitude of asking my mother about genitals in front of my grieving grandfather, God and everybody still haunts me to this day.

My sister once sang along with “Take My Breath Away” as:

Take my brother Wayne!

I teach Kindergarten so I hear these all the time! 
mazageen for magazine
pasghetti for spaghetti

Once we had a kindergartener who kept asking where Elmo was when we sang the alphabet.  I finally figured out that she expected Elmo to appear when we sang the lmnop part.
My own DS was an embarrassement to take places when he was little.  He adored fire trucks and shouted “truck!” at the top of his voice when he saw one - but he couldn’t say his tr sound and used F instead.  We used to get the strangest looks...<g>
And my family still kids me about hover and hoover - I always get them mixed up.  When I was in middle school I thought Penelope was Penny Lope (very embarrassing when you’re 12).

Oh, wow, these are making me snarf soda tonight! My favorite childhood “wordplay” was when I would belt out that Elton John clasic, “Benny and the Jets"- you know “She’s got electric boobs”! Sheesh. Mom never even stopped me.

Not a personal experience, but . . .

“Dear Lord,” the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, “without you we are but dust...”

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?”

Church was pretty much over at that point.

This isn’t mis-hearing something, but it is mis-speaking. 

My dad is a priest, and several years ago I hit a deer and totalled the car - but I was unharmed, partly because I wore a seatbelt.  About the same time, a young man in our parish was seriously injured in a car accident because he wasn’t wearing a seat belt.  So during the announcement time at church my dad was making a serious speech updating us on the condition of the young man and giving everyone a reminder to buckle up.  He said, very seriously:
“Beth hit an eight-point DUCK at 65 miles an hour but she wasn’t hurt because she wore her seatbelt...”
He couldn’t figure out why everyone was laughing at this point, except my mom and I in the front pew hissing, “BUCK!  It’s BUCK!”

It took years for him to live that down.  He even got an eight-point duck for Christmas that year as a gift from the parish.....

Although not as funny as butt dust hahaha…

speaking of church reminded me of Catholic school where I was reading out loud about “ Yahweh”...

Well, that very important name came up about 10 times in my passage, and I pronounced it “Yahoo” every single time, wondering why the class was laughing so hard.

My daughter loves anything Barbie.  A couple of years ago, I bought her the latest DVD movie of a classic story.  She liked to watch it a lot and kept asking me to put ‘The Princess and The Puffer’ on for her!

As for me, I sometimes can’t always think of the right word to express myself, as my first language is French, so I’ll try to find ways for people to understand me anyway.  It cracked my husband up the time I said I’d gotten hurt when I turned my ‘foot wrist’.  He now uses that expression all the time and has come up with more of them.  He often tells me about his leg elbow, his arm ankle, his hand toes, etc.  Yeah, it was funny at first, but it gets old fast…

Hand burgers.....is that really canabalism?
Hic ups made more sence then hicoughs
and what do lie berry’s have to do with books?

I seem to always offer massages in return instead of messages in SMS.

and...I craved a little man in woodshop yesterday....No.....I wasnt sharing too much....I meant carved

What great stories!  Here is mine. I was a new employee and attending my first ever Christmas party.  The waitress was going around getting our orders and I told her I wanted the beef kaboobs instead of kabobs.  I wanted to sink under the table! 

In our family our son is the one who has a way with words.  He came home from a store one day and said that they had given him a “deekel.” We are staring at him trying to figure our what a “deekel” is, and then it hits us he meant “decal.”

Popcorn was “Pockaporn”
Aluminum was “Aloonymum”

And when he was little we were at the grange where they had some chicks in a cage with a small cloth over them; you could only see their feet.  He asked me if they were taking a shower.  These memories are what help you get through the teenage years! 

To this day, sitting in church, I cannot stop myself from thinking..Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name.

Anyone remember the “taking care of business?” Friend’s mother singing at the top of her lungs."take a can of business, ask your momma”

Only non-medical person in a group of doctors. Lots of medical talk and she decides to join in the conversation and says “Honey, tell them about our new, red vulva.” (volvo)

correction (should proof read better”

the song was “taking care of business”
The mother was singing “take a can of biscuits”

ARGH

Hold it , wait, epitome is pronounced w/an -ie on the end??  I must have never said that out loud/been corrected…

My 2 goof-ups were both around 11… Fifth grade teacher asked what the male equivalent of a witch is...I raise my hand (probably almost waving it) and he calls on me...and I proudly say ‘BASTARD”

The next was with my sister in a grocery store.  It is about 1976/77 (I think that is when the first Star Wars came out).  I was 10/11.  I saw a Leia Organa doll in the impulse buy spot and read out loud to my sister...’LOOK, a Leia Orgasm doll”.  She busted up and I still had no clue

My kids may never know the correct words to songs as I change them on purpose and sing the screwy versions to my kids...usually I work their name in and something about a chore/bedtime…

Is it cruel when a parent perpetuates this stuff?  Whenever the kids ask for a tissue my DH replies, “Kiss You?  I hardly even know you!” He’ll start to walk away, his shoulders shaking with laughter (he’s his own best audience) when the kids will barrel after him yelling “Daddy, you know me.  I don’t want to kiss you now.  I have a cold. (close enough to ensure a liberal spraying of airborne germs) I want a TISSUE."<insert heavy sigh here>

My word: father31. Isn’t that cool?

For the longest time I could not say the word “minestrone” I always have to think about it first before I say it.  When I see the word I want to say Mine-Strone. 

But that’s not as funny as a reccent experience I had.  I work as an instructional assistant and since the kid I’m assigned to is a 1st grader I work a lot with the 1st grade classes.  A couple of months ago I was sitting with a group of them coloring and talking about high school. 

kid 1: Ms. Angelica is in high school

Me: on no I"m done with high school

kid2: College?

Me:  I’m done with that too.

(shocked pause)

Kid 1: You mean you’re a GROWN UP?

I wish I had a picture of their shocked little faces.  It was like I had told them Santa Claus was not real.  I think they thought I was just a older kid hanging out with them.

I see I’m late again.

My mother has written in my baby book the time someone asked me if I knew any French. My answer was French Toast.

Some friends kids that my mom used to watch when they got out of kindergarten called the Schwan’s Ice Cream truck the Duck Man. I still refer to the Schwan’s truck as the Duck Man.

As a child singing in church it was “bringing in the sheets” - then after learning to read and realizing it was “bringing in the sheaves” I decided it was best for me to just not sing this particular song as I will always have my own visualization of sheets!