SquawkRadio Comments

No… I don’t smoke after sex…

I just get pregnant!

Little old man and little old woman sitting on the porch in rocking chairs. In a minute, the woman gets up, walks over, slaps the old man and then sits back down.
“What was that for?” he asks
“For those years of bad sex.”
In another moment, the old man gets up, walks over, slaps the old woman and sits down.
“What was that for?” she asks?
“For knowing the difference.”
*****************************
Sorry - one of my favorite clean sex jokes.
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Now, my sex question..do you ever worry that you get too sexually graphic in any of your scenes? Or do you just write over the top and let your editor (or your critique partner or whoever) pull you back?

And do girls remove all their pubic hair? My friend’s daughter is a senior is high school and for them, the answer is yes.

Janelle, Cyndi ... 

My sex question: Christina, have any male readers commented on the sex scenes you wrote?

I have to share this with you. i do DTP and editing work in a company that publishes mostly academic books and a small number of literary works. Anyway, there is this novel presently in the lay-out process, that has pretty racy elements (by the company’s standards) - seduction scenes, nubile half-undressed women, men with bare chests and all. I was blushing when I did the editing.

The thing is, the one who is now doing the DTP work is a very conservative 60-year old man. And every time he asks a question on my edits, or needs my help at his computer because he is using a new application, I start to shudder and blush. I just find it unnerving to discuss or even go through a graphic scene with a man who is as old as my dad and knows exactly what I am reading. Yes, I am supposed to be professional - the way he is - but damn, I still find it mortifying.

And sometimes I wonder - how do people at Avon and the likes do DTP/proofreading work on romances? They must come across graphic sex scenes almost every day.

how do people at Avon and the likes do DTP/proofreading work on romances?

Maybe they build up a tolerance to it?

What’s DTP?

As for the smoking question, I suppose one would have to have sex in order for there to be “after sex smoking”... sigh.

How do we do it over and over and over, the same old motions, the same old positions, the same old man and woman doing the same old dance since the beginning of time, and keep it fresh?

I’m not a writer, but as a reader, I think it pretty much comes down to the emotions of the scene/characters, like nearly everything else in a story.  To be honest, I could do with a little more restraint in the descriptions of some sex scenes; the ones that seem to be more about the physical act than the emotional aspect I tend to skip/skim over anyway because it does kind of get old after a while.  It’s almost akin to watching a fight scene; if there’s nothing else there but the action sequence, it rarely holds my interest.

firefly, DTP is Desktop Publishing. That’s when we lay-out the pages on the computer for printing. And yeah, I guess after having to change the words in those scenes at least twice, one would develop tolerance.

As to skipping scenes, I do that often too, when I find that the next paragraphs (once the act begins) do not add much to the emotional development, and when I am more eager to see how the story ends.

I do find these scenes fun to read - scenes that lead to the couple ‘doing it’ - the ones that are witty, intensely passionate . . .

Okay, I’ll admit I love the sex scenes, and originality is something that’s rather difficult to come by, but as long as there is a strong emotional connection between the characters, I think it works to make the scenes hot and that works for me.

I guess my question is, do you feel pressured to always outdo yourself with the sex?  In this book they do it 5 times, never in a bed, while running from the bad guys.  In the next book do you feel compelled to make the scenes more explicit, more adventurous?  Nowadays, so many books are including a lot of risque stuff: BDSM, threesomes, etc., and while I believe these acts all have their place, I’d prefer it if authors didn’t feel the need to take it to the next level because of current trends. 

I think quality is more important than the shock factor.  Linda Howard has some of the hottest scenes ever, and they are not overly explicit or go on for 10 pages, and believe me, they work LOL.

When people used to ask my mom what she thought of my sex scenes, she would just smile and say, “Oh, those are my favorite parts!”

I was fascinated when I read SEP’s NATURAL BORN CHARMER.  The sex scenes did not go on for pages and there was a real economy of words and yet they were incredibly hot and far more stirring than many I’ve read.  I think it has more to do with picking the right words and putting them in the proper order.

And speaking of sex, I have a date with my TIVO to go watch Jack Bauer save the world again.  See ya!

I’m still too shocked by the epidemic, earthquake, guilt-ridden Spanish landowning Guatemalen aristorcrat and cross-dressing girl to even begin to think aboout sex.

But if I must...in your historicals, would you ever employ the euphemisms of the day, like grotto and gristle? And is there a super-secret page-length requirement for a “good” sex scene? I tend to skim if it takes me longer to read about it than do it.

Oh dear. My code is little52, surely not words to be associated with a romance hero and sex!!!

Well, my mom is mortified, so I want to throw a bone to all of you would-be romance writers out there whose moms aren’t as cool as Teresa’s or Christina’s...it’s OK.  You can still write the book, and publish it. 

You don’t need your mom’s approval!

One of Eloisa’s great lessons in life.

Eloisa

Well, I think the scenes are necessary.  I’ve read a few books where the sex was “implied”, but it just didn’t work. I’ve been around the block and it takes quite a bit to shock me, but I’ve been rendered speechless a couple times. You gals are very good.

I think my biggest question when I’m reading some of these books is not “is the description of the scene ok?” it’s “are these positions physically possible?”

I kid you not, I’ll ask DH “Honey, do you think this is possible?” and then proceed to read him the scene.  I’ll be honest, he just chuckles at me, but it’s all in fun! 

Oh, I don’t smoke....ever.

I’m one of those who just skips the love scenes.  I enjoy the emotional conflict and commitment between the characters, but I don’t want to know what goes on behind closed doors between them.

So as an aspiring writer of romance novels, this has posed a dilemna for me. I want to keep it G-rated enough that I wouldn’t be embarrassed if my parents read it, but keep it spicey enough to hold the interest of the reader.

Janelle, yeah, some of my heroines do that, too.

Cyndi, pubic hair—all body hair—seems to be the great age divide, and one of the weirder ones I’ve ever heard. This leads to me just not mentioning it in any way and hoping the reader infers a level that’s comfortable for her.

And the fact I even have to worry about this stuff goes beyond weird into some other dimension. It also makes me wonder what other mothers talk about with their daughters. Normal stuff like cooking and clothes? Wouldn’t that be nice?

annie, nope, never heard from a man about my sex scenes. I do write long love scenes, so I imagine they consider them unrealistic. 

Stacy, I don’t feel as if I have to outdo myself with each book. That way lies madness.

Maggie, in my historicals, I not only employed euphemisms of the day (I have a dictionary ), I made them up. And no, there’s no page requirement. I love a fast, furious sex scene where they can’t wait, but usually I’m just tryiing to give the impression that the guy is so fascinated by her body and tortuing her with pleasure, he wants to draw it out as long as possible. 

And heavens, yes, Eloisa. I’d say mothers/MILs are about split in half about being embarrassed. I just figured my mom would be upset if I’d insinuated she would be. What I was trying to say is—if you’re in the scene, you shouldn’t be thinking about your mother, anyway.

Prudence ... you never try to see if the physical motions are possible? Yeah, right.

Do you have a reference book?  Seriously.  Did you invest in a copy of the Kama Sutra (although, unless your heroine is a yoga master, I wouldn’t try the majority of those positions :shut?

Now that I think about it, from what I read in your books, Xtina, it’s always the existing chemistry between the h/h (or setting.....opera anyone?  fairy ring? bathing pool with a half-selkie rogue?) that makes your sex scenes so very hot, not her left ankle twisted up behind her ear.

And I plan--OF COURSE!--on getting TIC...but I’m out for the count with flu.

i’m with stacey!

My mother is 60 and reads the exact same books I do so I don’t think that would ever be a problem.  So far, I have not sat down and attempted to write a sex scene but I’m hoping that by the time I get there, I’ll have a pretty good understanding of my characters and that will help. 

And fortunately, I have some good memories to fall back on. 

So, how does writing a sex scene for an historical differ from writing one for contemporary?  Other than the massive difference in the amount of clothes one must remove...LOL!

Alas my verification word is history34.  Yep, about a month ago, 34 became history. *sigh*

Prudence, I tried writing the “closed door” sex scene once and it just didn’t work.  I felt like I was cheating both the reader and the characters.  I mean, we’ve been witness to EVERY step of their courtship.  It felt totally unfair to slap the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door when they were getting ready for that tender and meaningful consummation. 

I’m not saying a book has to have sex scenes to be romantic.  (Just think how hot Victoria Holt and Mary Stewart books were!) But for the type of stories I tell, it just feels beautiful and right.

I don’t prefer the closed door romance novels, but I really don’t care for ones that are nothing but sex scenes strung together - which none of the squawkers write, thank goodness!  But there are a few out there; honestly, it just gets boring.  If I’m reading a book and it gets to the point of “yawn, they’re going at it again,” I pretty much won’t be reading that author again.

I think I’d have the same problem as you, Christina - my mom occasionally reads romance novels and isn’t too shocked about the sex scenes.  However, I’d be very uncomfortable if I wrote one my kids read.  I’m even uncomfortable reading a sex scene if they’re in the room.

And I’d be off to the bookstore but I have a sick kid at home today!

A really good reference book is-
“Guide to getting it on! : the universe’s coolest and most informative book about sex for adults of all ages” by Paul Joannides
It tells you everything you thought you might want to know and then some.

As for younger women and shaving, I have heard that totally shaved is passe. They now have what is affectionately called a landing strip, a small strip of hair right above _____.
How do I know this?
My husband works as an electrician with a bunch of younger guys that gossip like...uh, women. And he tells me everything.
He also likes to read romances mostly because of the sex. He especially liked Indecent Suggestion by Elizabeth Bevarly.

I find that Nora Roberts also writes “concise” love scenes without ever being parsimonious about them. I always feel the pay off, but she doesn’t get into a lot of strangeness.

One of the things I really like is when things are described from the male POV. Probably because the male POV is such a freakin’ mystery to me. LOL!

Anyway, Xtina - you write tremendous sex, girl!

I like some authors better than others as far their writing style when it comes to sex scenes. Plus it depends on my mood. Overall I find I tend to skim through them to get on with the story.

I will say there is one in particular that as I read her sex scenes, I was seriously wondering if were actually a man writing them because of the crude wording.
Not anyone here though.

I think, like most of the comments have already stated, is that it really comes down to the right wording with intense emotion behind it. It makes sense, at least to me, because in real life it seems that the majority of people don’t want to have emotionless sex, so why would they want to read about emotionless sex. Teresa pegged it in saying that in romance novels, it just feels right to have that scene for the characters and for the readers. It would feel incomplete otherwise.

As for awkwardness, my mom and I know we read the same types of romance books because we often trade/give books as gifts. I think it’s just a mutual understanding that we just don’t mention the sex to each other. Talk about awkward.

If I were to ever write a romance novel, I think any dread of having to know she (or my aunt) were going to read it would come after the book is published. Though, I think as long as I don’t have to be in the same room when they are reading it, I’ll be good. What TRUELY makes me cringe is the thought of my dad reading it. I know he would too, because he would want to read my work and I would want to crawl in a hole and die.

:D

i always wanted to know the answer to that, thanks christina. will have to check out this book.

I mentioned in the post below that I gave my sis a copy of TROUBLE IN HIGH HEELS and she called wanting to know if I had more your books...she really liked the one I gave her.  I told her that I had your historicals, but she doesn’t care for those so I will make sure she knows about the new one!  I made her a fan...it is not often she and I agree on the same books, but we are finding our tastes are more similar now than they once were.

My mother and I share romance books...but she only reads them if they have kids, babies, or pregnant heroines...not sure why.  She is not a fan of historicals so she only read contemporaries.  Until a little over a year ago I only read historicals...now I read everything, so we share.  We don’t really discuss what we read though.

I personally don’t smoke and my husband does....just not after sex.  Hmm…
And my question is...what kind of sex scene do you enjoy writing most?  I’ve noticed that I like reading about more “experienced” ladies rather than the whole awful “popping of the cherry” bit! 

I was wondering if you ever use ...ummm....to say this delicately is not even going to happen......do you ever use porn as a reference. There, Ok, I asked it. lol

Smoking after sex?  That sounds like a personal problem to me.

I will admit to occasionally skimming sex scenes, but usually that only happens if I don’t see it as advancing the plot.  Sure, it’s great that your hero and heroine are so hot that they can’t keep their hands off each other; but if they can barely speak a civil word between them during the day, then I either can’t believe the sex is that good, or I think they are too shallow and slutty for a HEA.

I haven’t seen many questions for Christina, but here’s mine:

How do you write a richly descriptive, intense scene without coming off too purple or too clinical?  And how do you adjust your phrasing or style between a sex scene that appear early in the novel (when your heroine is more unexperienced) as opposed to later?  It just seems that these situations take a great deal of finesse.

Are there any descriptions/words that you would never use?  I personally guarantee that any novel I might ever publish will never contain the words “turgid” or “manroot” (and certainly not in quick succession) or the phrase “gleaming sword of manhood.”

The story is the most elemental part of a romance novel but the sex scene must be there too. I’ve read some where it’s just a flimsy storyline and the sex and those I just put down after a few pages.

Do you discuss ideas about the sex scenes with anyone before putting them on paper or is it all just from your imagination?
And also, does it get easier and less, er, bold to write those scenes after some time?

I’m taking notes on a lot of the questions and I’ll answer them on Thursday.

Until then --
J. Perry, you sick puppy (literally!), I don’t have a book. I have a husband. Of course, it’s tough for him to help me with all that research, but the poor man bears up under the stress. For my art, ya know.

Get well soon!

Writing a sex scene has to be one of the most difficult things a writer has to do. Gosh, It’s almost like having real sex. I mean Where do you even begin? How do you know when To Stop? A writer has to know what will turn a reader on. And what turns them off. Then there’s all of those “trends” that you guys have to research. Hours and hours of studying the sex habits of…Ummm, uhh Hey Connie I would hate to see all of that Hard won research go to waste. Perhaps SR could add a new Category. One on the latest in sex trends.  And SR commentator extraordinaire J Perry Stone could demonstrate a new position once a week! (She has the flu; I’m trying to cheer her up!)
Honestly, one of the reasons that I respect Writers of the Romance Genre so much is that they can do something that I cannot. They can write about people in a relationship having sex. And make IT ROMANTIC.

If Julie wrote a sex scene it would go something like this:
“They screwed around.”
Julie’s Editor sends it back for a rewrite. The Editor wants it to be Longer with more Sensual Details. Fine.
Julie writes:
“He knocks her up.”
Hey, More details and Twenty-five percent longer!

I think that I’ll leave the real writing to the real writers and stick with what I do best… which is: giving some of you a hard time, cheering for the Writers and Want to be Writers of Romance and last, but not least’ Reading!

Hey! Maybe I could be a professional Book Reviewer.

If Julie wrote a review it would go something like this:
“It was good!”
Julie’s Editor sends it back for a rewrite. The Editor wants it to be Longer with more Sensual Details. Fine.
Julie writes:
“It was good for me!”
Hey, More details and Sixty percent longer!

But seriously, isn’t “It was good for me!” as in Me The Reader what a Good Romance is all about? Sex is fun. Reading about sex is fun. But writing sex is Really Hard Work.

The Readers and Lovers of Romance are very lucky to have such dedicated, hard working , creative Writers.

Do I smoke after sex? No… I usually can’t move….which can be pretty inconvenient if you’re sprawled on the kitchen table and your parents decide to show up early for dinner…

I knew I shouldn’t have logged on minutes before taking Banana Head to CCD! 

I’ll be back ASAP and slowly read everything!

Thanks for the body hair info, cousin it (and I’m valiantly ignoring the connectioni between your screen name and the subject)

Thank you, MaryKate, I appreciate the kudos. And I just did an interview where the reporter asked how I did such a good job on the male viewpoint, and I pointed out I didn’t think I did, I only wrote what women want to think men are like. I swear, my husband (who I adore) sometimes seems to have nothing in the brain. A vast void, and I can’t figure out how a guy who is so smart can be so dumb. Like you said, a mystery.

JenniferY, I worship you! TROUBLE IN HIGH HEELS and TONGUE IN CHIC are the first two books in the Fortune Hunter Series, and there are five books altogether. So it’s going to be fun.

No, Christina, I never use porn as a reference. Most women don’t enjoy visual stimulation. I mean, most women like to look at a really good-looking guy (see the photos in Teresa’s blog just below this one to check and see if you fit in that category ... hm, yes, I thought so.) But no so much with watching a couple do the horizontal tango unless it’s ::cough:: tastefully done. And I’m like most women. I’ve seen porn, it just doesn’t appeal. I like to see it in my mind where I can include lush music and the right dialogue and moonlight and a flower slowly stroked across her ... wait. I have to go write a love scene.

mcl2008, No, I never discuss love scenes before I write them. Sometimes if I think it’s a great love scene, I brag about them when I’m done. Lesson learned—don’t brag to Scott in a restaurant when there are people sitting close. They move their chairs away.

When I send in my book, my editors always ask what I wrote that’s going to blow their socks off (so to speak.) I tend to hear about certain scenes from books. In TROUBLE IN HIGH HEELS, it was the elevator scene. In THE PRINCE KIDNAPS THE BRIDE, it was J. Perry’s fav scene in the fairy ring. For TONGUE IN CHIC, for all that the garden scene is fabulously romantic, I bet I’ll get mail about the scene in the closet.

Oooh, I love closet scenes!

You write such great sex, Xtina.  You should be XXXtina.

I’ve always had fun writing love scenes--the only person I ever worried about was my little old Catholic grandmother Ethel. When my first book came out, I just knew she was going to faint.

But she surprised me--she said she loved the book, plus the sex scenes. She had only one criticism . . . “I do wish you hadn’t used THAT word.”

So I pondered this for a while. What word? What could she possibly mean by THAT word? I looked through the book, couldn’t figure it out, and she would never tell me. To this day, I still don’t know what the word is. LOL.

Sex scenes are great and I love them.  But, and maybe I’m a little strange here, I’m more into the dialogue before, during and after the sex.  If all I’m getting is descriptions about how it’s done, I skim over it.  I guess I really like the emotional connection and I get a real sense of that through the dialogue.

My mom and I also read the same books and she told me once she skims over all the sex.  So I suppose if I wrote sex scenes I wouldn’t have to worry about her reading them.

Nice topic! Verry interesting comments, and I totally agree w/Marykate, for some reason I like the male POV..don’t know why, but I find myself re-reading the books (among other reasons) that have the sex scenes from his POV....hmmm
IMO, all you squawks write hot love scenes, and I mean HOT! ok, enough..
LOL about the mom-book reading remarks!

Christina
I finally found TIC after going to 3 different book stores.  My B&N did not even have it on the shelf yet.  Can you believe it?  I do not have a question about sex. However, I do plan on getting all the Kidos tucked-in, making a cup of tea and begin reading TIC.

Wow, Julie-Lynn! You went above and beyond the call of duty. I hope you enjoy every last word!

Oh, no Christina! I never even thought about the topic with this name.
I’m a a punk/goth type girl and you know how we feel about our razors and hot wax...anyway.
All the squawks write the sweetest sex scenes!
Now I have to get back to Natural Born Charmer, I just got it at the library where I work.
Will buy TIC tomorrow though, I love star-crossed love stories.

I admit that I read the sex scenes.  I usually re-read the sex scenes.  Today I finished Lisa’s Dreaming of You and you’d better believe that I read the first time for Sara and Derek more than once.

There - I didn’t want you guys to get discouraged and say why bother if everyone is skimming the sex scenes :D

I laughed out loud about Sarah’s comment about “turgid” and “manroot.” I don’t remember what book I was reading a couple of weeks ago (I can’t think that hard right now), but it definitely was of the “turgid manroot” variety and it did NOT do it for me - I was laughing.

The only time I skim is when there is is abd abundance of flowery language about climbing heights and flying free . . . one of my favorite authors tends to write this language into every sex scene and I find myself moving on.

Back to the point.  I’ll admit to not wanting to read mild romances at this point in my life.  I think it was too many years of repression that have now been set aside - at least in my mind. 

And I agree that the Squawkers top the list in well written sex scenes that further the romance of the Hero and Heroine.  No sucking up here - I really mean it.

Lynn

Lynn! We’re always open for suckinig up! You know that!

I read the sex scenes, too. If the book is not going to work for me, I know it long before I hit the sex scenes. If I like the writing, I like the sex scenes. I like the long ones, the short ones (argh), the ones in bed, the ones outdoors ... sex is sort of the icing on a good romance.

I must say that you guys write beautiful sex scenes.  In fact, there are few authors that I read who write, well, poor ones.  Clinical descriptions don’t do it for me.  I need romance!

So here are my questions:
At what point in your writing process do you write your sex scenes?  Do you put a post-it on the page and return to it after the rest of the book is done?  Does the novel and sex flow from your fingertips Chapter One to Epilogue?  Do you write them as they come to you and insert them where they make the most sense?

Am I making any sense?  I find my mind wandering to landing stripes, razors and hot wax…

Christina, I picked up TiC today and I read it way too fast. Well done.

I don’t smoke after sex but after the closet scene I could have been tempted to have a cigarette.

Good question Santa! I have the same question too --
so when DO you insert the sex scene? Does it just kind of flow from the fingers when you get the hero and herione into a private spot? I notice a lot of sex scenes are put into the middle of the story.

I’ve actually been thinking about this topic a lot lately.  I recently read a sex scene that made me want a cigarette--and I don’t even smoke!  And then I read a pretty good book that had me wincing during the sex scenes due to the author’s choice of explicit slang terms for body parts and sexual acts.  I was starting to feel like Lisa K’s grandmother--it would be such a nice book if she hadn’t used that word…or that word…

The funny thing is that the sex in both books involved similar acts--yes, even that thing that a friend of mine says she will only do to her husband on his birthday.  I found one book to be hot, while the other was slightly disturbing.

How do you choose your words?  Are there words you use in sex scenes now that you would never have used in your writing 20 years ago?  Do your editors suggest you use more or less explicit words?  I’m still trying to figure out why I reacted so strongly to the “bad” words.

These questions I am going to talk about tomorrow! In fact, they were already on my list, so we’re all in accord! See you then!