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When we first got married, my husband swore that he didn’t like cats and never wanted to have one.  Until he started bringing them home in his pockets and we ended up with five!

Oh...Lisa’s so good at those “Aha” moments!  But the most recent example for me is in Brenda Joyce’s “A Lady At Last” where Cliff is the third son of an Earl but has made his living as a privateer and is known all over as a “rake”.  However, he tries to do the right thing for her heroine, even trying to legally make her his ward so that he can take care of her.  He is strongly attracted to her and it would be easy for him to take advantage of her but he struggles to be a gentleman to her.

My supposed cat-hating husband helped our family choose our cat and bought the biggest climbing perch they had in the pet store!

When big, bad Marine Hub (then boyfriend) invites me to his ‘batchelor’ pad and I seen cleaness, REAL art on the walls, and knick-knacks, which he claims he did for me (hmm), I knew there was more than bluster! He cooked too!
In books, I think of Elizabeth visiting Pemberly, and seeing that Darcy is much more than all the high and mighty stuff, also when Darcy writes the letter to Elizabeth defending himself…
I also think of your book, when Derek Craven is caught with Sara’s spectacles in his pocket..by his heart..*sigh*

I have fallen into this trap too many times to count.  As experience and wisdom have matured me, I have learned to listen before speaking.

Unfortunately, I have made snap judgements that I have later learned were in error.  I now keep my first impressions to myself until I am confirmed or proven wrong.  The saying “Don’t judge until you have walked a mile in someone else’s shoes” (or something close to that) comes to mind.

My best friend from HS (actually the only person I am still in touch with from HS) I could not stand until Senior year.  I thought she was a spaz.  She was part of a group of 4 girls going on Spring Break and one of the girls couldn’t go at the last minute so they asked me to go.  I was skeptical but hey this was Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale, so I was in.  Trish and I became fast friends and still talk regularly even though we are states apart.
She is still high strung but I know under that is one of the most loyal and generous souls on the planet and I love and cherish her friendship.

When I got off the phone with my dad several years ago, I was visibly shaking and in shock.  My mother had just had a major heart attack and was in the hospital.  It was xmas time, too.  Her mother died of a massive attack about 4 years before so I was understandably terrified for her.  My husband (soon to be EX) turns in his computer chair.  Hears my news, kinda shrugs, says ‘okay’, and turns back to his game.

What do you think that says about him?  Sounds like a real sensitive soul, doesn’t he?

My brother is a big brute of a guy.  Bit of a violent temper when he’s been drinking.  I call him Mr. Grumpy Bear.  He doesn’t understand why I have such a useless little dog.  She weighs only 8 lbs and I named her Buffy ‘cause she is little but fierce.  My brother does nothing but mock this poor little dog.  One day, I realise I can’t keep her ‘cause she likes to run and our fence can’t keep her in so I send her to live with my brother on his farm.  He complains bitterly.  Next time I see them, he’s sitting in his chair and this tiny little dog is perched on his chest -sleeping! He’s got one huge hand cupping her tiny head and playing with her floppy ears. He’s not even paying attention to her so I could tell it was something that happened often.  Months later he still just shrugs and says she grows on you but I can tell it’s love.  He’s even started watching the Dog Whisperer so he can take better care of her.  This is why I will never give up on my brother.  Also, one time he beat up a friend of his ‘cause he caught the guy hitting his gf.  My brother can’t stand the girl and has said many times that she needs to be slapped but as soon as he caught his friend doing it he retaliated.  Okay, no, not the best solution but as he said ‘you don’t hit women.  period.’ Wow.

Ashefrog, I did the same thing with one of my best friends from grad school!  I wrote her off on the first afternoon based on the fact that she sounded dorky and her cardigan was even dorkier.  Hmmm.

Could I be more of an idiot?

She’s one of the smartest, funniest, least dorky people I know!

Eloisa

Eloisa,

I had an AHA! moment w/my best friend from grad school. During our first semester together in our MA program, I sat in our first or second class and listened to her talk (and discuss) and I knew in that moment. I can remember thinking to myself “We’re going to be great friends!” and we are!!! She even called me during church yesterday to wish me Happy Birthday (all the way from New Mexico!), which is more than my family did! LOL!

And at the risk of sounding too sucking up (watch this Ely! ), in a book/novella, I loved reading Lucius Felton in “A Fool Again” from The One That Got Away. I was all set up to believe him a total creep when he pulls Tobias aside and tells him that Genevieve probably should not wear perfume that a man can recognize if she’s going to hide out and eavesdrop. Omigosh! I fell so hard for him in that moment. It made Tess and Lucius’ story all that much sweeter when I read it.

As for Mayne, there were so many little AHA! moments that added up over various books, but the one I remember most is in MAAY where you find out why he jilted Tess. *sigh* What a heroic thing to do. *sigh*

And my veri word is normal74...as if!!

LdyB

I have to second that when Derek Craven is caught with Sara’s spectacles in his pocket… That was just so sweet and so not like the exterior he portrayed.

Can’t wait for Mine Till Midnight.

Scott was in my first grade class.  His family was poor, in a puritanical sort of way and he was always greasy and wore high-waters.  What’s worse, his mother was a kind of stretch-necked, flared-nosed, superior looking sort of woman with an iron-gray Aunt Bee hairdo...in the seventies. 

We all belonged to a religious community and she seemed to me a very righteous example. 

I didn’t like her or her unwashed son.

Anyway, one afternoon at recess, Scott kept coming up too close behind me on the slide ladder—he had no sense for personal space.  I remember being appalled so I kept sticking my bum out at him to back him off...only the last time, I it too hard and remember turning around just in time to see him flailing backward in mid air.

He broke his arm. 

The next week, I hid every morning and afternoon until his mother came to get him. 
On the last day, however, I forgot to peek around the corner just as his mother was coming in. 

She saw me and started running after me as I ran back towards Mrs. Taggert’s class.

Scott’s mother grabbed me from behind, wrapped her arms around me tightly--I really thought she’d spank me!--and whispered in my ear, “It’s okay; I know you didn’t intentionally mean to hurt him,” and “I forgive you.”

30 damn years later and I still get tears in my eyes....

Anyway, I don’t think I judge severe-looking women.

I know that’s probably more obvious than what you were looking for, Lisa, but her example always comes to mind. 

She looked so scary and strict and was the kindest thing.

J Perry!

That is such a great story… I got teary eyed just reading it!

Stacy N:
Good Riddance to Your Soon To Be EX!
And I love your story about your bro.
Julie, who has a soft spot in her heart for big, ol’, mean looking , kind heart men… They are sooo much fun too tease!

Aww J Perry, that’s such a lovely story!

I really try not to make judgements on people I don’t know, but first impressions being what they are...anyway, I met a dear friend of mine at a picnic years ago.  She looked like one of those perfect people-- pretty, intelligent, lady-like, politely charming--intimidating.  I didn’t know anyone else there, so after we were introduced, we started talking. The “Aha!” moment happened when she pulled out a deck of cards and started dealing.  We became fast friends.

I had no idea I was so wrong about her! Sure, she’s still pretty and intelligent and politely charming, but I could hardly describe her as ‘lady-like’, haha, especially when she drinks, curses, and burps the way she does.

I also didn’t know how very artistic she was. Sitting there at the picnic, she looked so very Ralph Lauren...but she’s actually into fantasy literature, Japanese art, and she likes to make her own clothes. Who knew?

....all this makes me wonder what people first think of me, and if I inspire any “Aha!” moments!

Stacey N, What a lovely story about your brother! 

And J Perry--another wonderful story. 

One of the girls I liked the least in nursing school turned out to be my best friend when we went to work at the same hospital.

Omigosh, J Perry!

That story brought tears to my eyes! What a sweet story. I guess it’s true what they say, You can’t judge a book by it’s cover!

LdyB

Julie staggers up from her chair, clutches her heart and gasps “She got me…she got me!” What a great story J Perry. I feel as if my Heart Strings just got smacked with a sharp, little boney ol’ butt…

When I first met my dearest friend, I almost wrote her off because she looked like a typical 80’s rocker chick (this was in the early 90’s).  How shallow can you be?  It turns out she almost wrote me off because she thought I was a snotty intellectual-type.  Luckily, we both disregarded our first impressions, and have been the best of friends ever since!

One quote I love, that really can direct you a person’s true nature is this: “If someone is nice to you, but mean to the waiter, then he is not a nice person.”

I loved your story J Perry--it brought tears to my eyes as well.  A good lesson for all of us.

Okay, I’m going to tell an AHA moment but it’s not good one and then I’ll follow it with a good one.

I was playing Elizabeth Proctor in THE CRUCIBLE - it was the first day of practice and I was waiting for the actor (who had already been casted because he had worked with the director in the summer) who was going to play my husband to show up.  I kept hearing rumors how gorgeous this guy was - after all, he was saving up $$$ for Hollywood and acting in companies.  So, in walks this tawny-haired guy with bright blue eyes that looks like Brad Pitt.  Of course, I think that he’s cute but not HOT… for I have a thing for dark-haired, blue-eyed man.  However, I thought: I will have no problems whatsoever in kissing this guy on stage.  He’s gorgeous and he’s good onstage.  *g*

He hated me, and we did not get along.  He would not rehearse with me outside of practice, and ironically, our bad marriage onstage was reflected in real life.  I got so fed up with him and his divo like antics that I called him on it and why he didn’t like me… he said that he did not like the fact that I flirted with him because it made him uncomfortable.

Pause, pause, pause.

I looked at him, dead in the eye, in the middle of the parking lot (a big part of me feeling like I had my heart torn out because what girl wants to be told that she’s not desired) and told him that I wasn’t flirting with him (I wasn’t) and that’s how I was. 

He looked abashed and shocked - probably the first time in his life that he’s been told that.  He tried to make it up to me the next day of course, and I resolved that night to be just pleasant towards him and nothing more.  He became ugly to me after that.

Now to the good story…

In real life… when I was in college, I had to take philosophy courses.  So my roommate and I signed up and there was this one cocky, ROTC guy in there who in my opinion was obnoxious as hell.  I would laugh at him because he was so into my roommate but she wasn’t giving him the time of day.  He was cocky, jocky, and I thought corny with no substance.  We had a study group one night to study for a big exam and of course, he was there.  I groaned to myself because I knew that he was going to attempt the moves on my roommate and just not be serious.  We got on to a serious topic, and he said something that changed my whole opinion about him and garnered him respect in my eyes.  After that, we became passing friends and he was always nice to me.

As to books…

Mayne in PFP but most especially in YWW when he’s so hurt by Helene’s betrayal.  But when he thinks and says of Josie - well, I fell more in love with him than ever!  *g*

And of course St. Vincent - him wearing the ring around his neck and how he saves Evie.  How can you not love him?!

Jenni--I love the waiter thing.  It’s so true.

One telling moment that came to my mind as I read Lisa’s blog was in the 2005 remake of Pride and Prejudice, where Darcy hands Elizabeth up into her carriage and he then he opens and closes his fist, sort of relishing the feel of her on his fingertips.  I loved that!  So small, but so packed with meaning.

Well, you guys have done it again!  First, mentioning when Derek Craven keeps Sara’s spectacles.  I always get teary eyed when just remember that!  Then you mention Lucius and how he is NOT as hard nosed as he would have people think!  And finally J Perry....it would appear that your butt has gotten you into trouble for years! Love your guts, darlin’!

How appropriate!  I spent a good part of today curled up with Devil in Winter.  sigh.  I really love St. Vincent.

Of course, since i’m still sighing over him, I can’t think of any other really great examples right now, but I love books like this where the hero is supposed to be all dark and tough but has that one “tell”.  Loving everyone else’s stories, especially J Perry!

My father-in-law…

I was introduced to him by his son (of course) and so I heard all the stories of Dad through my hubby’s eyes.  He was an electrical engineer, could fix anything around the house, liked to play with the family cars...a real man’s man.

I would see all sorts of old romance DVD’s hanging around the house and assumed (silly me) they belonged to my mother-in-law.  So I began gifting the classics to her...Sabrina, Roman Holiday, GWTW, etc.  It wasn’t until we arrived early for Easter Dinner one year and “Easter Parade” was playing on the TV that I finally saw it. 

Dad sat enthralled, humming in a low voice along with Judy Garland.  Mom huffed in the kitchen listening to ESPN on her small tube.  I went back into the living room and shamelessly indulged myself with Dad.  We had a great time sharing memories of watching other favorite Hollywood moments through the years.  He adores Audrey Hepburn (a very nice choice) and I love Cary Grant.

This Fourth of July when he asked if there were any good recent DVD releases out, I didn’t hesitate.  “Have you seen “Casanova” yet?”

He walked over to the sidetable and picked up the Netflix envelope, “You mean this one?”

Great minds think alike!

Some wonderful stories (especially J. Perry).

I think most men think it’s not masculine to like cats but down deep an animal lover always comes through. I had a cat as a child that was taken away from me (long story) and when married we got a dog and then another dog but it was my husband who brought home my first kitten from the pound and has encouraged me when I started taking in ferals (i now have 5) and continue to feed the ones I can’t take in. I do make judgments on whether people like animals or not and it hasn’t failed me yet.

Actually, one of my Aha moments involves one of my fellow Squawkees, J Perry.  We’d been chatting on line here at the Squawk and when I told her I was setting up a fund raiser in memory of my brother, she sent me a necklace she had made for the silent auction I was running.  She didn’t have to do that!  She didn’t even know me beyond my words on a blog!  It spoke volumes to the content of her character and we’ve grown quite close.  I can’t wait to meet her!

I married a big tough football player, but had the AHA after the birth of our son.  He was born almost a month early, and was really tiny.  (My mom tells me now, 11 years later, that he reminded her of a boiled chicken.  I thought he was the Gerber baby.) Anyway, there was my tough guy, holding my little guy, with tears streaming down his face.  I knew at that moment that I would follow that man anywhere in life.  I’ve only seen him cry twice (birth of our daughter), but he treasures his wife and kids.  You can be tough but gentle.  I think he’s a wonderful role model for the kids he teaches and coaches.

I immediately thought of the Slightly series by Mary Balogh and Wulfric.  In Slightly Sinful when he hears that his younger brother Alleyne has been killed at Waterloo he breaks down and cries (when he thinks no one will see him) He is so stoic and proper throughout the series, it was really moving to see this little piece of his interior feelings he hides so well.  When he gets his own story in Slightly Dangerous and learns that Alleyne is not dead more cracks appear in his cold exterior.  When he climbs the tree you know you are finally seeing the real Wulfric.

Oh, my, Betty! That story is absolutely wonderful! I think it’s marvelous that you hang out w/your FIL and watch the classics while you’re MIL has the telly on in the kitchen w/ESPN on!

LdyB