SquawkRadio Comments

I’ll start it out…

“That’s right, Tookie dear, next time Daddy is playing tickle with Auntie Edna you just sneak in and take a picture with this camera for Mummy.”

If I have to keep my face like this any longer I am going to kill someone!

Dateline Hollywood: The studio heads were surprised today when little Shirley Temple announced her new career path as ventriloquist. Said Shirley to reporters at her press conference, “Hang on a sec. I know there’s a string back here somewhere. Damn this life-sized Joan Crawford puppet!”

Omgs! Elizabeth that is too funny! It’s going to be hard for anyone to top that.

My less than stellar tries:

Little girl: “I wish they’d hurry and take the ad shot. Your make up is oozing all down my cheek.”

Mom to daughter: “Now go up to that famous actor (insert favorite here) and pout really cute. I’ll stay here behind these bushes and take the photo. Now don’t forget, you must get him to pick you up in order for this photo to pay off big with those magazine people.”

“Ha! And Tom thought he could keep the press waiting for baby photos. Suri eat your heart out!” Nicole showing off her new daughter.

Ok that was a low blow, but I thought it funny.

Daughter to mother:  Keep this picture in your photo album because when I’m older I’m putting you in a nursing home!

Mother to daughter:  Um, did you wash your hands before you touched my dress?

A variation on Connie’s (sorry - I lack originality!)

Precious, I’ll give you this camera if you don’t tell Daddy about Mummy’s little “parties” with Uncle Mike.

Hope you feel better soon, Eloisa!  How do you find time to be under the weather?!?!

Woman: If they don’t hurry and take the picture my eyes are going to swell shut from my allergies, and where do they get these bratty kids from anyway?  This kid is going to steal the shot.

BRITNEY EXPOSED!
Little Britney Spears, posing for the paparazzi with her mom. And already she was not wearing underpants underneath her frilly slip.

Feel better, Eloisa!

Darling, do get your chubby little arms off mummy’s lap..I can’t feel my legs ( spoken thru tightly clenched teeth-baring grimace ).

Little girl : Told you my blue dress would stand out..nobody can see you for the flowers! Ooh i can’t stand how cute i am !

How about:

Ow, ow, ow!!  Charlie horse!  Charlie horse!

or:

*mumbled* Could you stick your a$$ any further in the air?

Roses are red,
Your dress is blue,
I smell something funny
Did I fart or was it you?

"Heehee, oh sorry mummy, it just slipped out.  Ooops there’s another one.  Ahhh my tummy feels better now!  I wuv you.”

"Are you sure, Daddy? ‘Coz my friend Todd says that boys arn’t s’pozed to wear pinafores.”

And word on the street is that the smell originated in Jersey.

Mike (I’m just sayin’...)

Mooooom! That mean Ol’ J Perry pushed me off the slide ladder with her boney old butt again!

Maggie, I loved your line.  Mine was in the same line:

“Mommy, are you wearing any panties under your dress?”

Eloisa, I hope you are feeling better and try to get some rest.

Mysterious gases, eh?  Connie, have you been eating those giant burritos again?  Someone reported a mushroom cloud over Minnesota the last time you tried that.

And I love the new glam pic, Liz!  That Queen Elizabeth is positively dowdy in comparison!

Eloisa I hope you feel much better soon!

Mother...."Wait a minute if I’m holding the camera then who in the hell is taking the picture.”

Alright....not so good, but it was all I had…

"It’s my new battery-operated Miss Universe doll that I got for Christmas. See? You just flip the switch back here on her butt, and then she drinks too much, starts pole dancing, takes a swing at the paparazzi action figure, and steals his camera.” *

*Batteries not included. Paparazzi action figure sold separately.

Thanks, Terri! Yeah, I liked Elizabeth Regina, too, but decided I needed to ID myself better. I just wanted a new look, so I found a new pic.

“Moooooooom! Mom, Julie is pushing all of the kids off of the slide ladder with her butt again. And she’s telling Everyone that SHE is ME!”

Mom: “Well that Horrible Child! Here J Perry, take this camera and take a picture of what she is doing. Then we can sue her big ol’ well fed arse for Slander!”

Maybe I’m missing something, but I still see Elizabeth Regina and not Elizabeth Bevarly. Altho they are almost one and the same in authority and influence.

"Yes darling, this is where I buried your cheating, no good daddy. Doesn’t he make the flowers pretty?”

Oh, Mary! That’s awful!

And funny!

I just couldn’t help myself! 

"Would it have killed you to wear the pink dress?  We were supposed to MATCH!  Ach, I feel one of my headaches coming on.  Mummy needs a drink.  Is this over yet?  Where’s my scotch.  I could have sworn I hid a bottle in these damn flowers.”

Hmmm. Curious, Xtina, because the first time I changed my avatar to ER, I still saw my old pic when everyone else was seeing ER. Then when I restarted my computer, I saw ER. This time, as soon as I changed it, it was the new pic. Maybe it’s a Mac thing.

I see the new one now! Must have been in the cache. Must go empty it.

Hey Mary Castillo, I think that was the exact plot of Catherine Anderson’s COMING UP ROSES!  (Fabulous book, by the way.)

No way, Teresa! Actually that’s something that my grandmother would’ve said to my mother if she had been successful in killing my grandfather.

Oh my. That makes me seem terrible, doesn’t it? I swear to all that I’m a very kind, non-murderous person. I even drive a mini-van!

Mary

If I have to smile one more f-in time, someone’s gonna get hurt…

or

Yeah, that was me.....

"Oh good God. Take the picture already and get this kid away from me. I need a drink and a cigarette!”
Or, “Smile pretty for the camera Precious and I rpomise you’ll get some ice cream”.

"I’d really like to bounce this camera off of little Hermione’s ringlets.”

It’s just been that kind of day, guys.

Kate

"Listen to the bees, dear. Don’t they sound so soothing?” Unfortunately, those bees were the last thing Sophia and dear Maggie were to hear from those ears ever again… Please use Kodak cameras responsibly.

Kodak Moment my a$$.......this kid isn’t even mine. Guess that’s why they call it acting.

Hope you’re feeling better, Eloisa.