SquawkRadio Comments

Well, the advice my mom always gave us was to never use the bathroom in front of your husband.  Lock the bathroom door and don’t let him in while you are “doing your business”. 
I could never understand this one though.  If he can fart and scratch himself in front of me, why can’t he handle me “doing my business”?  Not that I WANT an audience, but if he happened to stumble in, would it REALLY be the end of the world?

Lisa said, “There is NOTHING sexier than a man wearing oven mitts.”

Especially if that’s all he’s wearing.

I think I’ve already given my piece of advice, but it’s worked for me so I’m repeating it.  Right after I got married, I watched an interview of couples who had been married 50+ years.  One woman’s advice was that you will fall out of love during a marriage, but just wait it out and it’ll come back.  I have found that to be VERY true.  And holding that thought has gotten me through some really rough patches.  This applies to everyone but Connie, of course, since she’s married to Perfection.  (I’m rooting for Paris for you!)

Also, the kiss thing.  Oprah had a show on once about the “10 second kiss” being important.  We were having an awful time (baby and preschooler; bad job; etc.) and I made my husband kiss me for 10 seconds everyday.  And yes, he was creepy enough to time it.  But we’d end up laughing by the end, and just that simple thing really helped us reconnect.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

This isn’t my romantic advice yet, but, Connie, give me the brownie points....Monty Python.

Appreciate the little things he does that show you he loves you.  Men are not as vocal about their feelings as women are...well except for Teresa’s husband.

Appreciate all the little things he does that show you he cares.  Like when he backs the car into the driveway to make it easier for you to leave in the morning, or stopping at the grocery store after a very long day at work just to buy toilet paper because you ran out during the day.

I always thank my husband for any gesture he makes.  If he stops at McDonald’s, because I’m too busy to make dinner, I always thank him politely in front of the kids, and then later I thank him naughtily in the privacy of our room.  Oh yeah, did I mention that men aren’t that vocal?  They prefer the physical show of gratefulness.

Xtina,
What in the name of all that’s holy are you doing up so early?  Isn’t it like 5 a.m. where you live?

I think the best advice I’ve ever gotten was never go to sleep angry. You tend to not sleep well, your in a horrid mood in the morning and you didn’t resolve anything.

Another one I’ve learned, is: Pick your battles! If he is bugging you with the sports channel but you want all the latest romance novels, perhaps you shouldn’t nag him about watching Sunday football.

Oh and I love this one: share your fantasies! A couple who share their deepest secrets can drive a wedge between people. If you share what makes you tick, chances are he’ll be willing to wind your clock!

Too funny Christina! And I happen to agree!

Teresa, maybe she was enjoying the full 24 hours of V-day with her husband? hehe

What great advice from the Squawkers! Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone who visits the coop!

I can maybe add a couple tidbits of advice; My first is that if a fight is brewing (and it eventually will), don’t be afraid to call a time out. 

My husband and I both hate confrontation, so this has been a natural for us, but if we’re disagreeing or just ticked, one or both of us will say “I can’t talk about this with you right now” and we’ll make an appointment to discuss it rationally later.  Depending on the issue, later may be after having a good cry, kicking something, or researching your point of view so you can win.  It saves us from saying anything too hurtful in a moment of anger.  After 7 years together, I can remember disagreeing (vehemently) with my guy, being frustrated or downright ticked at him, and having certain topics that we have to keep walking away from and coming back to; but I don’t remember him ever insulting me or me insulting him (outside of playful banter).  The second part to that is to stay on topic when you battle, and not to start bringing in other issues.

More in a second…

My other piece of advice is to spend some time early in a committed relationship away from family.  We moved several provinces away as soon as we were married and had to rely on each other--we didn’t know anyone else.  It really brought us incredibly close together, and the added bonus was that when well-intentioned family and friends gave advice we could accept or ignore it at will--they were too far away to know the difference.  Plus, when we annoyed each other we had to work it out; we didn’t really have anyone near by to complain to!  It was the number one thing that cemented our marriage.

Now I need to read all the posts that popped up while I was composing my essay above…

for me, i think it would be to never forget to show them you care.  you may be angry or frustrated, but don’t let that get in the way of your relationship.  eeveryone has ups and downs--its part of life.  just embrace them and ride out the waves.

My favorite piece of advice is to always communicate what you feel to your partner.  Bottling things up inside will eventually lead to problems.  If your significant other doesn’t know how you feel, issues can’t be resolved.

Haven, I wish! I’m on my finish-the-book marathon. Luckily I love this book. It feels like a paranormal Bourne Identity to me.

I know you guys will keep me going until it’s finished. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Back at it.

So much for Valentine’s Day at my house!  I’ve got a kid home throwing up.  Kind of puts a damper on the day....and cruelly, my verification word is EVERY69.

Keep the laughter!! You can’t always be serious, you need to laugh and make each other laugh, laughter is the best medicine. It’s okay to act goofy, or even laugh at yourself.

Ni

Ni

Ni

Bring me...shrubbery!

(sorry. do not think it is etirely correct, but it has been a while)

Ni

Aack! Don’t have time right now to see if anyone has beat me to it (and in all likelihood, they have) because I have to get out of my nightgown before the furnace-man comes to clean my, er, furnace, but *Monty Python*, Connie. Just saw this sketch a couple of weeks ago with my ten-year-old son who howled with laughter. 

Gotta love a kid with a sense of humour.

Romantic advice? Dunno if it’s romantic or not, but Be Honest with your spouse. Always. Even if it hurts. That’s what I’ve learned after almost fifteen years of marriage. I’m not saying be mean about it. But hey, if I’m angry about something, he knows it. If I don’t agree with what he’s doing, I tell him. If I think he’s fab, I let him know (and remarkably, it does seem to happen on occasion...) And I expect the same in return. We don’t always end up agreeing with one another, but at least we know where the other stands, and we’ve expressed ourselves in such a way that there is no possibility of lingering resentment or other ill-feeling after the fact. Because that’s the stuff you have to watch out for, the stuff that can eat away at a relationship.

Happy Valentine’s Day, ladies!

My husband and I have been together for 14 years.  We have 4 biological children and adopted 3.  When I look at this man, my heart swells with love to the point of over flowing.  He thought nothing of getting up and doing 2 am feedings, changing yucky diapers, or letting me sleep in.  If I am loosing my mind (which happens from time to time with 7 children) he will encourage me to to leave and go see a movie or go to the bookstore.

My advice:  Make time for HIM! This is two fold. 

1.  Give your hubby time to do something he completely enjoys. For my man, it is trout fishing.  He will leave before anyone in or home rises and he will get home sometime after supper.
Remember: Don’t make him feel guilty for his “special time”.  Meaning?  When he gets home don’t tell him how crappy your day was.
2.  Make time for HIM to spend time with YOU (without the children).  Hire a sitter and go on a date or send the kiddos to Grandma, or to a friends and stay home.  At least twice a year we send our children to spend a weekend friends and family, and we go to a Bed and Breakfast or to our cabin.

HE NEEDS TIME!  And the blessing to you on the other side will be great.

Since I haven’t manage to have a successful relationship I’m not sure I could give romance advice.  So lets call it ‘What I’ve learned’ advice.

Marry your best friend.  If something exciting or interesting happens during the day and your spouse is not the first person you want to tell, he/she is not your best friend. 

Respect is an absolute must.  Respect for each other and each other’s thoughts, interests and desires.  You don’t have to always like the same things or agree on everything, but you have to respect the other’s likes and not deride them.

For the record, I knew the Monty Python thing too....

What a great topic! And what great advice, too, although I think Teresa’s husband is a borg. If they ever clone people, she’s going to make a LOT of money.

My advice is To Laugh. Nothing strengthens a connection better than a good laugh. When things get tough, bring up that tired old joke that always makes him chuckle. And don’t be afraid to buy those silk boxers with pictures of Homer Simpson—guys seem to love corny jokes the best.

My advice: stay and watch hockey.

I HATE hockey. Yep. Hard to believe. I’m Canadian after all.

So the last thing I want to do on a Saturday night is sit in front of the TV with the hockey game on. BUT...I do. We have another TV, but he appreciates it if I stay.

Even if I have a book in my hand, my husband is happy because we cuddle up beside each other. He’s happy that I’m not complaining about his viewing choices, and he’s happy that I’m there with him. It’s a little thing, but it means a lot to him.

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!  We have one main weapon, Fear! Fear and Surprise ... two main weapons! Fear, Surpise and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope ... three main weapons!  Fear, surpise, an almost fanatical devo ...

I’ll come in again.

Not ... the comfy chair!!!

A shared love of Monty Python, while not he most romantic, is a good thing to keep a couple together

My advice for romance on valentines: Attempt to get the kids to bed early (after all the valentines candy they’ve had a school) and snuggle with the hubby on the couch.... Preferably sans clothing

And of course I get something very similar to threesome 69 in my word verification!

Tiff

I’m with you KC…

My husband loves sports.  I do not.
I love reading Romance novels.  He does not.

While he watches the big game/race from the comfort of his La-Z-Boy.  I curl up on my favorite end of the couch with my book of the week.  When the aforementioned game is over we both end up happy. There’s no arguing over the TV, for one. I often finish the book (started earlier in the week BTW) before the game is over, and sometimes the, um, “inspiration” brought on by said book makes for romantic rest of the night for the two of us, making us both happy. 

I’ve been married a reeeally long time and haven’t always followed my own advice, but---

Think before you speak, pick your battles, keep your sense of humor and treat each other with the kindness you’d accord an innocent child. 

So what if the toilet seat is up and you fall in in the dark? Things could be worse.

My husband is a school principal. He often listens to people complain about students. One time he finally said, “Yeah, school would be so much easier if there were no kids here,” the point being kids are what school is all about. Parents have sent the best children they have; they’re not keeping the good ones at home.

Dealing with human beings is fraught with difficulties. We’re all really kids inside, wanting to be liked even if we have annoying habits. Marriage requires a husband who was raised, after all, by your mother-in-law, so he couldn’t possibly be perfect.

So turn on that bathroom light and be happy to you have a companion to share your life, even if you’d like to spank him sometimes.

(And that would be another subject altogether *g*.)

My code is have23. I was 23 when I married, and I pretty much have all I need.

hahahahaha

I love this blog & Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

My favorite advice that my mom followed…

“Marry Rich or for looks.”

So, my mom married “Rich” --- my dad’s name : O ).. she always jokes that she married rich… and of course he’s a good looking guy, too.
30+ years later it worked

Hm, I have lots of romantic advice, but since most of it is pretty hardcore, I’ll refrain.

One thing that I’ve picked up over the years (had beaten into my thick skull) is NEVER EVER EVER go to bed angry. Some of the worst mornings I’ve ever had happened after a bad night ("Hmph, well, he MUST apologize to me, he was so clearly wrong. That dick! ZZzzzzzzzzzzzz..."). There really isn’t room in a marriage for indignant pride, so just put on your big girl pants and get over it.

The second thing is to constantly surprise him. Keep him on his toes. Not in a bad way, like “who in the world did I marry” but in a “she got me tickets to the <insert lame sports event here>?!?!” kinda way. Even if you hate sports, monster trucks, oral sex. Sometimes men just need to be humored.

I know this is so off the topic, but this is one of the funnest sites:  http://www.threadbared.com/
Enjoy!

Laura T, that’s such a cute story! Well, I don’t have much to add that wasn’t already discussed by you very wise ladies, but I’d like to add that the best advice I’ve heard is to never forget that he picked YOU.  Whenever the occasional bout of insecurity comes around, always remember that there’s something that’s so wonderful that he picked you to be with.  That means that you’re everything wonderful, beautiful, and perfect for him...so you deserve to be treated as such, and to be spoiled often!

Also, I think we all know that bribary with the male species works--especially with food.

My dad is a priest, and the “premarital counseling” that he would give to couples in our church wanting to get married was for them to come to our house for dinner (my mom’s a gourmet cook) and my mom and dad would give them their “marriage talk”.  While I’ve never been married, I’ve heard the talk a few times as a result.

One of the pieces of advice that always stuck out in my mind is to hold hands when fighting.  It seems counterintuitive, and maybe impossible, but it helps keep the connection even when disagreeing.

Julie-Lynn, I love your advice about making sure he has guy time.  My guy gives me one Saturday a month to go shopping or scrapping or just hide upstairs with a good book, but I’m not sure I give him a full day in return.  I know I call my days survival days!

And Kristol, I think a sense of humour is the best idea of all!

how about meet the f/m/s/b i-l’s BEFORE things get serious…

like marriage

We were given this piece of advice at our wedding 17 years ago...."Repeat after me, you were right, I was wrong, I love you”.

My husband knows it was meant mostly for him, but I’ve used it occasionally too.

My tip is “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. In the long run, it’s not important that he didn’t put his dirty dish in the kitchen or pick up his underwear off the floor. Constant nagging can ruin a relationship. Let it go. Things like this are so insignificant when you look at life as a whole.

Well, I’m not sure it’s the most romantic thing around, but , ..

-move away from your parents (and his) at least for the 1st couple of years of marriage. Yes, it’s nice to call mommy or daddy when things are nice, but I have seen a lot of trouble in marriages when the cord is not cut. You are married to each other, and, for lack of better words, need to sort out how you TWO are going to live..

-And to echo Beth W. pre-marital counceling is a great idea, again not too romantic, but when the hard times come (and they will) you can go through it as a united couple..

Ms. Mary:

YES!!

The best thing we ever did was move 30 minutes away from any and all family members.

You don’t have to do everything together.  Spending time apart makes the time you spend together more special.

My favorite piece of advice is to never let sun set over an argument.

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone!

All this is such good advice.  All of our situations are unique.  Years ago, so that the kids did not have to go to daycare, my husband and I worked opposite shifts.  I worked 7-4, he worked 5-1 am.  We did this for 8 years.  (It’s a wonder we have 5 kids). Anyway, even though I always went to bed alone, when he got home and touched my shoulder, I made myself wake up and be with him.  It meant a lot to him.

My bit of advice:  when you say or do something hurtful, say “I’m sorry”, and mean it when you say it.

Correction to yesterday’s blog:  I woke up this morning to turn off the alarm and faced a dozen tangerine roses, chocolates and a love letter.  Will wonders never cease.

Ladies,

I am not the best person to give romantic advice, because of my not so perfect relationships… But there is one thing that is very important: TALK WITH EACHOTHER ABOUT EVERYTHING.

AND NEVER ESTIMATE THE POWER OF CHOCOLATE…

Happy Valentine´s Day

Your differences of opinion can be a strength rather than a weakness.

When DH and I went through our pre-marital counseling required by his church we took a test that revealed we were polar opposites on a few things especially religion and money.  Rather than look at these differences as a hinderance, we’ve used them to make our marriage much stronger.  We’ll celebrate our 10th anniversary this fall!

I always try to say “thank you” whenever my dh does anything for me.  No matter how small the gesture, I don’t want him to think I take him for granted.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

My advice? lol, I don’t think you want to follow my romantic advice—I haven’t been the luckiest in that area. I guess if you meet a guy (or already have a man) just make sure you make time for each other and spend a lot of time together. Get through the arguments and differences.

Actions speak louder than words.

I find this to be very true with life in general.  Sometimes words just can’t describe how you feel so show him.

Happy Valentine’s Day!  My classes for today just got cancelled.  I am stuck in my dorm all day because the snow comes up to my knees.  Hopefully, I won’t go crazy.

Communicate!  Communicate!  Communicate! 

The biggest thing I’ve had to learn in my marriage!  I use to think he didn’t need to know how great he was – but he does!  And I use to think I’d hurt his feelings if I said something not so great – but how can he change or fix it if he doesn’t know? If it’s something great say it NOW!  If it’s something not so great think twice and then say it nicely! 

Mine was going to be marry your best friend (but Terrio beat me to it!) He’s the first, last and most important person in my life.  When something important or great happens he’s the first to know and if I’m upset or sad he’s the first to comfort me.  We have each other’s best interest at heart always.

There is a lot of great advice here!  I love the laughter one.  We make each other laugh at everything!  And I mean everything!  We’ve gotten through deaths (yes, that’s right!), births, sickness and disagreements with laughter!  It’s amazing what it can heal.

Connie – when I’m having a particularly bad day my DH will e-mail me the “Holy Hand Grenade” sound bite from The Holy Grail.  It works like a charm.

Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!!

My advice would be to communicate!  You have to talk and communicate with each other.  Even the little things. 

I also second Teresa’s advice.  It’s the little things in a relationship that keep it going.

My only stipulation is that it has to be a two-way street.  One person working at it can’t keep it going forever. 

Connie....for what it’s worth, I knew the Monty Python reference also!!

--dorothy

I agree with all the Squawkers’ advice but I actually have three:
Don’t be afraid to go after what you want with all of your resources (but if you can manage to play hard-to-get at the same time it works better!).
If you date nothing but losers, then try dating someone a little different, maybe outside of your circle of friends and acquaintances.
Always be his friend as well as a wife or girlfriend.

I’m a Notary Public in Florida and can perform wedding ceremonies (I’ve only done two, once of which was my boss).  Here’s an excerpt from my wedding talk: 

“I have two favorite Scriptures, both written by the apostle Paul.  The first one, about love, was written to the Corinthians.  It says that “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.” The second Scripture was written to the Ephesians.  Paul counseled them to “not let the sun set with you in a provoked state”.  In other words, don’t go to bed mad.  Good advice indeed.”

My second piece of advice is:  “You can’t just love him.  That’s easy.  You have to LIKE him.”

I haven’t been in a real relationship with anyone since high school (which wasn’t too too long ago) but despite my lack of experience, I have been a witness to so many bad/unhealthy relationships. The only real romantic advice that I think I’ve been taught is to respect yourself, see your own worth first and then let your significant other love you for all that you are. You’re not perfect, and you don’t have to be. Don’t all romance novels teach us that? How many times has the heroine walked away near the end because the hero needs to see her for who she is and what she means? I suppose most of my romantic advice comes from Romance Novels.

My other bit of advice, remember the good times more often than all the bad. Remember why you chose each other, love each other, etc.

- Amal

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

My advice is that you should have at least one day where your DH or SO pamper you the whole day from Breakfast in Bed to a wonderful goodnight kiss

Happy Valentines day everyone! Today is my 20th wedding anniversay, and yes I am way to young to have been married that long.  I am surprised that no one else has offered the thing that has gotten me thru 20 yrs.  One word, compromise.  I am not always right and the 10% of the time that I am wrong I admit it graciously and am willing to compromise.  The other thing that has gotten me 20 yrs is not sweating the small stuff.  If the dishes have to wait because my DH or kids need me then they wait.  Thats the nice thing about dishes, they are always there, and I mean always.

What great advice everyone has given today! I’ve been married for sixteen years and I think the only advice I could give anyone is to respect each other. That sounds so simple, but when you live with someone everyday for sixteen years it’s easy to take advantage of each other. A mutal showing of respect and love goes a long way towards making a happy home.

Another piece of advice, don’t be afraid to fight. Sometimes a good argument leads to clearing the air of hurt feelings and leads to greater things.

Cathzoe beat me to it, but I just remembered what more I wanted to say. It’s about comprimise, not sacrifice. Never sacrifice anything, because at the end whoever sacrifices will lose too much of what’s important, and real love is based on sharing not losing.

- Amal

Well, considering how brilliantly my marriage failed, I’m probably not a good one for giving advice, but based on what I miss the most, I’d say to be sure to touch each other.  A lot and often.  And I don’t mean the romantic kind of touching, although that’s certainly fun in and of itself.  I mean the kind thats just a brush of the hand as you pass by each other or a nudge with the hip when you stand close.  Sitting close enough for your feet to be close.  Sometimes a touch can express what you can’t find the words for or when words are superfluous.  Whether its offered as comfort or whatever, that human contact can heal a lot of hurts.

Great sex is pretty important too…

Make time to do things together as a couple and separately as individuals.  This may sound strange but we’ll do a date night, go out to dinner and then go see separate movies if we can’t decide on the same movie. Then, on the way home, we’d share what we saw and what we thought about the movie(s).

We don’t feel an need to spend every hour of every day together.  If I take a few hours away on a Saturday to write, I make sure he gets out in ‘good light’ to do his photography and visa versa.

ladytink_534 - *love* your Veronica Mars avatar. I agree; everyone should watch it (and Supernatural)! 

As for romantic advice - don’t get married?  Kidding, but I find it fascinating to see or read about what makes a marriage works and what does not.  I think my parents rushed into it and then, the whole lack of communication thing… which is why they live on different continents now; they get along much better with an ocean between them.

happy valentine day !
take it slow and don’t rush into things. love takes time and it will come. listen to your heart

Just be there for him. Let him know that even if he has poor health or if he is getting older that he still does it for you. Just like he did when he was twenty and kissed you for the first time. Because sometimes he dies and you are alone, you want all your time together to be filled with love and happy memories--even through the difficult times.

romancenovel.tv launched today, and my interview is up!

Quick, someone go and tell me how it came out. I can’t look.

Oh Kay, I’m so touched by your comment..I was wondering if we had any widows here, at squawk *hugs*..It’s the big picture that counts, isn’t it?

My husband and I have been together for a long time since he was 19 year old with long blond hair and ripped jeans singing in thrash band and I was a 20 year old with long blond hair and ripped jeans setting up the lights and sound for said thrash band.
We have been together ever since except for the year when he was 24 and I was 25. We broke up and went out with other people. These people were perfectly nice and normal otherwise we wouldn’t have gone out with them, right?
Well, we spent that year having perfectly disastrous encounters with the opposite sex before getting back together.
What anyone in a long term relationship needs to remember that even though he is not perfect (except for Connie’s prince of Paris vacations neither are you but you are perfect for each other. That cute guy that always flirts with you at work won’t seem so cute after 3 months of dealing with his bad temper when he drinks, his racism, or even worse your incompatibility in bed. (continued)

Relationships aren’t easy all the time. They require work. Remember why you said yes the first time your husband/boyfriend asked you out.
We will be 39 and 40 respectively this year, he still rocks me all night long and he says I am still the sexiest girl he’s ever seen. I think it is sad that out of all the couples that we hung out with 20 years ago that we are the only one besides one other that is still together.
Romantic advice -
(continued again)

1. Have a flashback date-
Remember that first date? Did you go to a concert, dance, movie, or (naughty you) straight to the make out spot in your town? We went to see the movie Evil Dead- Ha, ha.
Get an all night sitter for the kids. My little darlings just went with their grandparents for skiing in Colorado. Lucky them but luckier me! And I know this is not always easy or inexpensive but your relationship is important and break ups are even more inconvenient and expensive.
Dress in his favorite outfit. Sometimes hard to figure out since guys usually aren’t so forthcoming. Have him pick you up somewhere, just as he did way back when. This is part of guy courtship and it helps set the mood.
Talk, relax, flirt and let him work for it. As Eloisa said, “men really seem to need to think they’re chasing a woman”.
If you can, when you get down to do the deed after the date try to make it a place other than your bed at home. Get a hotel room, use the couch at home, or the swimming pool, just try someplace different. I am going to set up a tent in our yard and see how that works. Large yard, no neighbors for 1/4 mile. “No witnesses”,she said evilly.

(contined yet again)

Okay, I just checked out romancenovel.tv.  Christina and Eloisa, you both come across as bright and witty.  Most importantly, you both look great!

Ok, I’m not posting for a third time because I really want to win the prize (which I won’t mind winning; btw, I knew the Monty Python reference immediately) but I really do like this post and all the comments.

Despite being an avid romance reader, I’m actually quite cynical about the concept of love. No one in my family is happily married, including my parents, and sometimes the only real evidence of love I see is in Fiction. I just wanted to take the time now to thank all of you for sharing tid-bits that make your relationships so wonderful, and proving to me that real love can exist. Happy Valentines Day!

2. Cook or clean in a skirt or dress with no underwear.
I don’t know why but this makes my guy super happy. We love the men in our lives so doing what we would be doing anyway commando is not any big deal.
Think of that reaction Sharon Stone got in Basic Instinct.
(and yet more)

Everyone has given great advice.  Along the same lines, I was taught that love was a verb--ie actions do speak louder than words and that marriage is not a 50/50 proposition, but 100/100.
Eloisa, your advice reminded me of what my college roommate advised once.  She said that the guy should kiss you first.  She totally got that man as hunter deal.

Happy Valentine’s day everyone.

Amanda

3. Like other people have said before me share entertainment with him.
I, of course, read romance novels and YES it helps our sex life. My husband like many men out there used to pooh pooh the books I would read until I got him to read one. I think I first gave him an audio book and he listened to it as he drove to work, and just like when we watched the first night of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in A&E’s Pride and Prejudice,the story got it’s insidious little claws in him. And boy, some of those books give him the best ideas.

And now for my MP quote-
“And after the spanking, the oral sex.”
Happy V-Day everybody!

Christinia, I just watched the whole interview.  It was GREAT!  You look wonderful.  Is that your house? What awesome views!!! 

I have to go back and watch Eloisa’s now.

cousin it has some really good ideas…

although if I put a tent in my backyard it would quickly turn into an igloo....

hmmm not a bad idea.... LOL…

Eloisa and Christina I LOVE the interviews!!! love em love em love em!!! Whay a fabulous site!!

Yes, I watched the interviews too, and they’re great. RomanceNovel.TV looks like it is going to be a really neat place to visit for those extra tidbits from all of our favourite Squawkers!

I am posting my comment before I read everyone else’s. So if my post is the same as someone’s than I apologize for the repeat advice.

The Very Best piece of Romantic Advice that I can give you can be summed up in two words:
BE REALISTIC.
That’s all you need too know. If you want to be happy in a relationship just Be Realistic.
Don’t…
Play head games. Do you want someone that you won over with a game?

Try to pretend that you are something that you’re not. IE don’t pretend that you luv football if you HATE it. You’ll be miserable. The other person Will eventually find out. And then what? You’re stuck with someone that you have nothing in common with.

Think that YOU can change someone.

Think that you’ll be happy if you allow someone to Change you.

Pretend that money isn’t important to you if it is.

Part Two. Can’t leave out some examples of Dos!

Do Be Realistic…
Listen to what the other person is telling you.

Realize that Lust is Not love. 

Self centered behavior is selfish behavior.

If it feels like abuse to you, then it is abuse.

Accept that a drug user is Really a drug abuser

People who drink, gamble or do some other activity to an excessive point have A Problem. Be Realistic. Are you willing to accept this person As they are NOW and NOT how you want them to be? 

These are just some of the things that people should Be Realistic about in their search for a good, healthy, satisfying Romance.

Truly,
I think if more people were simply more Realistic about who they are, and what their expectations were, then there would definitely be less Bad Relationships out there.

Xtina - GREAT JOB!!!!

I have 2 bits of advice:

1.  Make time everyday after you’ve been apart for any length of time, even if it is only 10 minutes to share your day with each other.  When my kids were small he would walk in from work and want to talk.  We were constantly interrupted or I was running someone somewhere.  He kept it in for a long time but finally told me how hurt he was that I didn’t seem to have time for him.  I immediately changed that and made time for him.  The kids quickly took it in stride that Daddy needs Mommy’s attention for a few minutes when he gets home from work.  He really appreciates it.

2. This was told to me many years ago by a man who had been happily married for many years.  I thought he was crazy. I have been married 22 years, have had a few rough patches and even though this doesn’t cure everything, it helped.  Consider this from the male point of view before you pooh-pooh me.  If you have children in the house you have to be creative, but…
Climb into bed every night with nothing on except your birthday suit. 

Remember if you can clean or do chores in a shirt and nothing else; how hard can climbing into bed naked be.

My best advice is to ‘never let the sun go down and still be angry’; you must forgive one another and end the day in a fresh, happy way.  You never know what tomorrow brings so end the day before in a nice way.

‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’; this allows for some very good times and nothing bad because you wouldn’t want harsh words or bad acts done to you.  Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.

I don’t have much experience with romance. I am in my first “serious” relationship. I waited a long time to find this man and I knew he was the one because of the way he makes me laugh. Not those little “teehee you are such a big strong funny man” kind of laughs. These are full on, tears in your eyes,belly laughs. 

I think the most simple road to romance is to tell him/her you love them. Tell them everyday. Do not take that for granted! Don’t assume they already know, you don’t have to remind them!

One piece of advice my mother gave me about men, romantic or otherwise.... is a true gentleman will never curse in front of a woman. meaning, no “S” or “F” words aloud.
In this day in age where cursing from men and women are the norm, to me to meet a man who will not let out those nasty words for my ears to hear is very romantic.

While not in a relationship at the moment, I’d have to say (from experience and observance of successful relationships) never underestimate the power of three words: I Love You. I know we’ve trivialized the words through the years, but they’re still powerful.

Say it. Say it often. Mean it.

One of the most fascinating and wonderful things about my brother and SIL’s relationship is that every time before leaving the house or hanging up the telephone, they say I love you. My SIL might be griping up a storm about my brother or rolling her eyes while on the phone w/him, but no matter what, they say “I love you” and mean it when they hang up the phone. Funny enough, after saying those words, whatever one’s done to annoy the other, it doesn’t seem quite so bad.

In my own experience, those words were the last thing I said to my mom before she passed away--she passed away a bit after our last parting. For all her faults, I loved her dearly and meant those words.

Geez! That sounded a bit maudlin, but it’s the most vivid example in my memory and one I cherish.

Happy V-Day everyone!

Hmm…my verification word is hope49, as in maybe there’s hope 4 me yet…

LdyB

Love is a verb.

It doesn’t matter how you choose to love your mate - kind words, acts of service, loving touches… the how is unimportant. Everyone has a magic button that makes them know they are loved to the bottom of their soul, and your job as their lover is to find out what that button is...and do it. Love is a verb. It is all too easy to stop actively loving someone. We do it instinctively when we are falling in love - phone calls, love letters, bad poetry (come on - you know you’ve written some LOL!)... and we forget to keep at it once we are assured the other loves us, and knows we love them.

But love is a verb, and like all verbs, it needs to be exercised regularly if it is to be part of the language of your marriage.

I’m definitely not the best person to give advice.  I’m still looking for “Mr. Right,” although at this point in my life, I would take Mr. “He’ll Do,” or Mr. “Has a Brain and The Requisite Parts!!”

However, my parents celebrate 49 years tomorrow, so I would say the the best advice is learn how to fight constructively.  My parents had their fights and they still do, but they never say things to hurt each other, insults never come into play, and in the end, the love that they have for each other is more important than the issue that they were fighting about. 

Another piece of advice, garnered from watching the marriages of my sister (17 years), and my eldest brother (27 years), be a team.  In the cases of both marriages, it is ALWAYS them against the world.  Their marriage and family comes FIRST before anything, and in all decisions, what is best for the marriage and the family is what is decided upon.

My verification word is “age44.” I sincerely hope that I don’t have to wait that long to find someone special . . .

On my wedding day 30 years ago a cousin of mine said to me never let the sun go down on a argument and I never have and making up after an argument is so much fun.
Happy Valentines Day everyone.
Have Fun
Helen

I have to add that it is nice to read about all of these successful marriages and relationships you ladies have.  These days that is definitely not the norm.

I would like to add that my parents will celebrate their 40th anniversary in October and we are planning a vowel renewal ceremony for them.  I’m really not sure how they have made it other than sheer determination.  To say their life together has been hard is an understatement.  But they just keep on going.

I suppose the fact that my sister is 38 and my youngest brother 18 says something about their relationship.

Well, I’ve read a lot of good advice on making a relationship last, and this seems a little off topic, but to me, my favorite way to work up a little romance it to talk.  I love to talk about how we got together, what we were thinking when we first met, the first time we did ___ (whatever).  It helps bring to the front the feelings that sometimes get pushed aside in the fray of everyday reality.  Talking just does it for me.  lol We can sit and talk about anything (as long as we’re listening to each other and connecting).

Well, I’ve never been in a relationship, alas, so I don’t exactly have any advice that ever worked or something.  But I guess if there is a second date, then you might be on to something! LOL

Lois

I’ve never been in a committed relationship, but here is what I learned early on and it has always served me well.

It is better to give than to receive.

Any time I can give of my time, talent or treasure makes me feel good. Being a happy, well adjusted person is the greatest treasure you can have. The greatest gift you can give.

What I mean is talking gets me in the mood.

Wow, so many posts.

I’m a bit overwhelmed.  :(

I am single.  Been single the last 6 yrs.  No dating.  I’m just not ready yet I suppose.
I’m afraid living alone that long can throw the compromise factor out the window. 

So, my advice deals with yourself.
Love yourself, be healthy, treat yourself, do what you like.  When the day is over, hopefully you gave your all and somewhere, somehow, that mattered to someone.

Be safe everyone.

g

Never ever be too proud to say you’re sorry.  Even if you are not remotely sorry.  The stupiest move line ever “Love is never having to say you’re sorry” WRONG.  Making love work means being able to compromise, to sacrifice your wants for what is best for the both of you, and being able to lead as well as follow when the situation calls for it.

I’m not married, so I personally can’t give marriage advice, but my mom (married 26 years) gave me some great marriage advice. 

The advice was to “live in your own alternate universe. Let that circular wedding ring symbolize the new world you can create”. 

Make your marriage or relationship what you want it to be.  Don’t let society dictate what your relationship should encompass.  I really saw evidence of this when I went out with my parents to a restaurant with dancing.  When the music came on they got up in the crowd and danced like the place was a disco complete with moves from Saturday Night Fever.  They didn’t care what anyone thought.  They were happy in their own little world.

After all, marriage is an exclusive, two-member club.  And in the words of Adam from the show Mythbusters, “I reject your reality and substitute my own!”

Little surprises count for alot!  Whether it’s me surprising hubby with one of his favorite dishes at dinner, or his taking a day off work just to spend time with me and the kids, surprises are always appreciated.

After a bad breakup a long time ago from an unhealthy relationship I was told, “Someone you love will never make you cry.  If they do, then they aren’t worth crying over.”

I agree with moving away from family for the first few years.  In fact, I’m not sure I ever want to move back.

My verification word is “reached97.” Whew, that would be a long night.

Trust your gut feelings. If you are uneasy in a relationship, you probably have good reason.
The opposite is also true.

One day I was walking with Richard, the brother of a former roommate. Richard had a crush on me, but I was not interested. Suddenly, a little voice inside said: If you fall for this guy, it would never be a mistake. So, of course, I decided to move in with Richard, whom I had known for less than two weeks. Twenty-six years and four kids later, it still was the right thing to do.

BEG Of course, I could also claim I married rich like Laura’s mom

The best romantic advice I ever got was to AVOID romance.  This came from my mother.

Don’t date.  Go to school, have a great career, and if you’re horny, buy a ‘single woman’s friend’.  You can start dating when you’re 30.

She gave me that advice when our entire family was driving to some family thing.  Yes, my brother AND my dad heard that.  GAH!  I only wish I’d listened. 

heh! my confirmation is anti65...for a post that’s anti-romance!  I love a great coincidence

I dont know if this is really helpful or anything. I dont have a sweetheart or anything but I think Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be just for one day of the year, it should be celebrated every day of the year. Not sure if this is really advice but I wanted to put my two cents in here.

This is Maria from romancenovel.tv and I was lucky enough to interview both Christina and Eloisa—I think they both look fabulous, they are even better in person. And there are many more segments with both of them to come.

Thanks for all your warm comments about the site - we’re very excited about all the programming we have in store.  We are particularly jazzed about interviewing the rest of the Squawkers.

Maria. I just watched the interviews! Great job!

I already bookmarked the site!

I have a few that have always worked for me.
1. Never go to bed angry. (Seriously, you’ll feel better if you work it out before hand.)
2. When they leave for the day, always say ‘I love you’, you’ll never regret it, especially if something happens.
3. Sometimes it’s the simple things that count MORE. (Dh and I didn’t do cards or gifts theis year. We wrote each other a love letter. And he couldn’t have bought me ANYTHING that meant more to me.)
4. Never keep your feelings bottled up. If you do, they may explode one day!

Those are the the rules I love my hubby by!
Happy Valentine’s Day.

My parents never told me but they also showed it by saying “I love you” before bed time, ending a phone conversation or leaving the house. They didn’t always do that when I was growing up. But when my dad came home from his shift (he’s a firefighter) and showed us his turn-outs that had a big, ol’ hole burned out in the back, suddenly he started with all that “I love you” business.

Many years later, mom told me how he came to her and cried. The night before when he’d been on fire, he thought he might not come home again. But his partner saw him and put him out.

So when my parents are upset with each other, or with me or my brother, they still say those three words. Now that I’m married with my little dude, I do the same.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Mary

Welcome Maria!  I’m loving your site and can’t wait to see more interviews!  Good luck in this new venture.

Welcome Maria! Your site is so great. You are so right about saying “I love you” to the people you care about. Life is too short.

Christina and Eloisa your interviews were awesome.

I suppose that the best relationship advice i could give would be to......

“Never forget to respect, love, and honor the person that your loved-one fell in love with: you”

By treating yourself well your are honoring the person who fell in love with you. There are several ways to honor yourself, whether it be something material treating yourself to a new book or purse or something emotional like meditating each day and centering yourself. You can treat your partner like a God, but if you forget yourself, your neglecting half of the relationship. By being the best possible person you can be, you are really honoring the other individual in the relationship. Unconditionally respecting and honoring your special-someone, as well as yourself, is how i define love.

woo woo MightAphrodite!

Love that advice.

HAHAHAHAHA my “code” is anti69.....

so for my V-day advice…

JK~!!

seriously though that hit my funny bone. 

No advice from haven’t lived long enough to try to give any...btw, Valentine’s day is not exactly one of my favorite holidays.  So for those who celebrate have a great v-day

Be yourself.  You don’t want him falling in love with someone else entirely, then having him dump you because you’re not the woman he thought you were.  If he’s worthwhile, he’ll love you just for the bright, witty, gorgeous, talented, unique woman you are.

And don’t call him.  I concur with the whole hunting need.  I swear to God, if I wasn’t interested, they’d run me into the ground, but if I showed interest, suddenly they weren’t so much.  WTH?  Oh, well.  Maybe it works on the fundamental principle of “Whatever you want too much you can’t have, so if you really want something--try to want it a little less...” At least until you get it.

Happy valentines Day everyone from the frozen northeast!  Winter has finally made a statement. A good night to stay in and cuddle-up with your loved one!  Welcome Maria, what a great site with 3 of my favorite authors right off the bat!

Never go to bed mad. What starts out as one night can turn to a week, to months to years.

And always keep your sense of humor.

Be honest. With yourself and with your feelings for him. There’s nth worse than lying or delluding yourself and consequently, the person’s who’s with you.

Everyone gave so much great advice, that I really don’t have anything new to add!  So I’d like to mention how my husband and I have spent Valentine’s Day a couple of times.  I bought a cookbook called Dinner Dates, for couples cooking together.  We made the Valentine’s Day meal.  It was a lot of fun.  The work was divided into two parts - Chef Uno and Chef Due - and we each picked who we were going to be.  It was fun.  We spent a lot of time joking about who got the most work, but the meal was really special and we had a great time.  It was much nicer than going out to a fancy restaurant, and way more intimate!

I don’t know if it’s been said but remember to schedule time together for the two of you.  It’s easy to get caught up in everything that has to be done.

The best advice I ever got was from an aunt of my mom’s...she said Don’t ever let your husband leave the house in the middle of an argument.  I just looked at her funny and said...ok...When I asked my mom what that was all about she told me the story of my great uncle.  He and my Great Aunt had a argument over money and my uncle left after my aunt said some mean things and he went for a drive, supposedly to calm down, but on his way back to the house he was struck by a drunk driver and killed.  They were only in their twenties and my aunt never remarried...my mom said she couldn’t get over the guilt that her last words to my uncle were words of hate.  My aunt died when she was 84.  That 60 years of guilt!  I never let my husband leave until we’ve resolved a fight.  So that’s my advice.

My friend:

If you want unconditional love, buy a dog.

My mom/dad:

Love happens when you least expect it.

The best piece of romantic advice is to love yourself first… then tue love and happiness will naturally follow… treat yourself to decadent truffles and a bouquet of gorgeous red roses because you of all people deserve it!

My parents were married for 52 years, so I’ve thought a lot about how they did it. What I observed was that they were honest with each other, always. We kids always knew that Mom wouldn’t keep a secret from Dad. When Dad came down with dementia later, that was crucially important. He knew he could trust her to take care of him, and not to lie to him. I remember being upset with her because she wouldn’t just tell him what he wanted to hear, but I understood later how important it was for him to know he could trust her.

The other thing I observed is that, despite having five children, they always made time for each other. We grew up knowing that their relationship was the most important thing to them, and I think that made us feel safe. I still remember them cuddling on the couch in front of the TV…

I’ve tried to apply those ideals to my own relationship. It’s certainly not always easy but we’ve been married for 21 years, so we must be doing something right!

My piece of advice is to never take your marital problems outside of the house. I never talk about my problems with relatives because I don’t want my personal problems to influence the opinion other people may have of my husband.  Overall he is a great guy, and if I ever think he is being a jerk, well he is my “jerk” to think about, and for other people to comment on.  This is something we both practice and it has kept our relationship strong in that we are able to work out our problems as a couple should; only the two of us.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!

My advice?  Don’t follow everyone else’s advice.  Sometimes asking 101 people what your relationship may mean, what the actions of the other person means is just maddening.  Just follow your instincts and don’t let other’s opinions sway you.  Yes, advice is helpful.  But when you have 10 different opinions on what to do .... you might want to just do what you feel is right to do!

Boy oh boy do I have advice!  Treat yourself and others as if it was Valentine’s Day 365 days a year.  Why wait for a certain day if February to show your love?  In our home, we give kisses and hugs freely, no flowers or flowers required!!

My verification word is training59, that means I have to get 59 squawk members to follow my advice right?

Pat said:
Okay, this is advice from my father, which he gave to all of his daughters (4 of us): “If you can’t face him across the breakfast table, don’t be facing him across a bed.” And you know what, I gave the same advice to my 3 kids as they were were growing up.

Well, the only advice I have is that you can’t depend on someone else to be happy, you have to love yoursel first so you can love someone else.

There is no such thing as unconditional love, that’s an act of desperation. But there can be great love between to people, even if they are a mess, when they both have their messes together.

That’s all.

My favorite bit of advice was given by the best man during his toast at our wedding.  He told my husband to never forget those three little words, “You’re right, dear!”

But honestly, the best advice I ever got was to remember that you never know what goes on behind someone else’s closed doors.  Whenever I get tempted to be envious of someone else’s relationship or how great someone’s guy is, I remember that I don’t have the whole story.  I can always try to improve my marriage, but I cannot do that by looking at someone else or wishing I was somewhere else.  I think that’s why I love romance novels so much.  You get to see how each couple is flawed and how they work to improve what they have.

I agree with Lisa where my DH is concerned.  There’s no such thing as a bad ... well… you know.  And there’s no such thing as a bad piece of meat and potato. 

I listen to physics issues, conduct nanotechnology feasability discussions, and cook.  I’m inconsistent at all of these.  I didn’t major in physics or study robotics, plus the fact that we tend to eat out 2 or 3 times a week due to jobs and parent care.  But a little goes a long way for both of us. 

He doesn’t mind driving to the next town to the bookstore so that I can spend an hour in the romance section, or fuss when he has to kick a path through the family room.  Nor does he mind rubbing my head after a super stressful day.  Bliss!

I once read that we are kinder to strangers than our own mates.  We’ve made it a point to be the opposite of that statement. Valentine’s Day is our day to renew our promise to keep working at US.  Make the effort.

So many have posted and offered such wonderful advice.  I hope I’m not adding ad nauseum but my advice:

Make sure you say “I love you” every day, even if you’re fighting and wonder how it’s possible.

Make sure to tell your dh/so exactly what you love about them.

Take time for each other.

Be patient with each other.

And finally remember this quote (and although it mentions “marriage” I think that it could be thought of in a broader sense as well.)

“Marriage is not a union merely between two creatures - it is a union between two spirits; and the intention of the bond is to perfect the nature of both”
Frederick William Robertson

Reading all this great advice has really showcased why my marriage failed.  I don’t think we ever successfully did any of these things. 

Best advice, it takes two of you.  One person making the effort just won’t cut it in the long run.+

Happy Valentine’s Night, ladies!

Janelle, your advice has been the funniest ever. I plan on taking it, literally. 

The writer and reader in me loves this advice for good marriages:

“No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.” —Sam Rayburn (1882–1961)

Next month my husband and I will be married 29 years.  Here is my best advice.

Always remember why you fell in love with him.

Think before speaking in anger.

Always laugh together.

i’m still single

and hurting after my last...encounter

my advice is for single girls

a)no younger guys

b) and on a more serious note...something i’ve seen over and over again...don’t try to change him...be with HIM not what you WANT him to be

c) BE REALISTIC

happy v-day everyone hope it was lovely for you all

Wow, it’s a little late but still before midnight here on the west coast so I hope I made it

The best advice I was given was “let him think he’s getting his way, even if he’s not.” It’s annoying but true.  I think the mom in My Big Fat Greek Wedding said it the best - “The man is the head of the family, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn him any way she wants.”

Let me see, my oma’s is ‘you can love a rich man as easily as a poor one’ and the other one I hear a lot is ‘you can’t change him, so you better like him as he is’