SquawkRadio

Being an author is a funny business. I spend hours at a time, alone in my office, dressed in my brown sweat suit, talking to characters who don’t exist. Sadly, that’s my idea of a good time.

Then a book hits the shelves — in this case, TONGUE IN CHIC (did I mention it’s on the New York Times Bestseller List?)— and I suddenly am flung into the spotlight, blinking like an owl while searching my memory for information like, How do I wear these jeans? They have weird fasteners … I think they’re called a zipper and a button.
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So when romancenovel.tv contacted me and asked if they could come to my house to film, I said that would be delightful. I had to. I’d been waiting ten months for cabinet maker to finish the bookshelves and storage for my office, and this was my chance to really put pressure on these guys and get the job done.

See? This is the kind of thinking that proves I have no business trying to function in the real world. Did I consider the fact I had a book due (TOUCH OF DARKNESS) and that I hadn’t moved out of a chair since Christmas? When people saw my formerly sleek curves, what was I going to say? That the camera adds ten pounds, and I had five cameras on me?

I got my first dose of reality when I received the list of questions from Maria Lokken, the interviewer and brains behind romancenovel.tv. They were intelligent, insightful questions, and I’d been writing so much for so long I couldn’t figure out how to formulate and express coherent thoughts. My brain cell was sadly overtaxed. I could manage the occasional sarcastic answer, though …

How do you find an agent?
Wet t-shirt contest

Being a woman – how to you find that male voice?
I dumb down my female voice

The big day arrived. Maria arrived. The cameraman and the sound man arrived. Most important, the make-up artist arrived. While the cameraman and the sound man set up in my living room, the make-up artist spent an hour on my face. An hour. Geeze, for the most important occasions involving a nice restaurant and champagne, I spend, um, ten, fifteen minutes. I don’t even know what to do to my face for an hour. But when she got done, I looked gorgeous. (Shaddup, Connie.)

Then we filmed. We filmed the whole interview sitting on the couch, then they moved stuff around, changed the camera angle, and we went through the same questions again. Have you ever tried to answer a question the same way twice? And I tell lies for a living! Then we broke down and went upstairs to my office (which the cabinet guys had finished the night before, and Scott and I had flung books and decorations into in a random attempt to make it look normal) and I sat at my desk and typed, then they said, “Answer the phone,” so I pretended to talk to Lisa and tell her I was busy and I’d call her back, then they told me to grab a research book, then I did that from a different angle, then I did it from ANOTHER angle, then I walked out on my deck and gazed soulfully at the mountains, then I gazed soulfully from a different angle, then they went downstairs and I gazed soulfully while they filmed me from below. Oh, and did I mention I had to drink tea at my kitchen table and look thoughtful?

For the highlight of the show — I already know it — they filmed me working on the window seat on in the library. I told them the dogs liked to sit up there with me, but Lizzie can’t sit still, so she hopped down, then Ritter, my big, sweet, “I was an assistance dog but I flunked out” golden retriever/yellow lab mix, went into his routine. He laid his head on my keyboard. I could almost hear the “awwwwww.” The cameraman took my computer away so there could be film of Ritter with his head on my leg looking soulful and sweet while I petted him. (There’s a shot of him up on the second interview on romancenovel.tv right now.)

Listen, to make people like Hitler, his PR people used to photograph him petting a dog, and my mustache looks a lot better than Hitler’s.

Then the film crew, Maria and I (and Scott and the dogs) went to Whatcom Falls Park, not far from my house, and we shot Maria and I walked over the picturesque stone bridge talking about Squawk Radio. She asked how it got started, I told her about how it was all my idea. We talked about scheduling and how entertaining the Squawkers were. Then we sat on the (expletive deleted) cold stone bridge and talked about the dogs. Then we went back and did it all again. How did Squawk get started oh Maria it was all my idea how does the scheduling work you guys are so entertaining sit on the (expletive deleted) cold stone bridge talk about the dogs. Then we went back and they filmed our feet as we walked. Then I took the dogs for a walk over the hill. then I walked them back. Then I walked them over the hill. Then I walked them back. Lizzie was SO CONFUSED. She couldn’t figure out why I suddenly didn’t know the proper way to take her for a walk.

And we were done. I was exhausted. My brain cell was depleted.

Then all I had to do was wait for Valentine’s Day when romancenovel.tv had their official launch — and when I saw the first two interviews, they were great! The first one focused on me and how I got my first book published. The second one focused on the current romantic suspense series, its rocky beginning and on how I got the ideas for TROUBLE IN HIGH HEELS and TONGUE IN CHIC. I sounded coherent! My house looked wonderful, the mountains were gleaming, the bookshelves were filled with Squawk books and my awards, and no one will ever be able to tell my rear was frozen to the bridge.

Go to romancenovel.tv and watch the interviews (there are other authors there — Nora Somebody, and that Elsie woman. No, wait. Is it Eloise? Eloisa? Something like that.) Come back and let us know what you like about the interviews and what (and who) you’d like to see in the future. Does watching an author be interviewed interest you in her books? Would you try an author because you’d seen her interviewed? And isn’t my dog cute?