SquawkRadio

All poor Julius Ceasar had to worry about on the Ides of March was being stabbed in the back by his best friend.  We Squawkers have to worry about that on an hourly basis PLUS cope with these other terrors of the modern world like cellulite and rude cell phone users.  Hope these helpful tips will help you survive your own Ides of March! 

LISA WARNS: 
1. Beware of people who talk on their cell phones in places where you’re forced to listen
2. Beware of all-automated customer phone service when you’d rather talk to a person.
3. Beware of painful lip-plumping products
4. Beware of people applying makeup or otherwise self-grooming while driving
5. Beware of cashiers making snide comments about the romance novel you’re buying when they should be grateful you’re spending your money there!

TERESA WARNS:
1. Beware of that box of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies that’s been in your freezer since 1978
2. Beware of men who tell you on your first date that you remind them of their mother (or their ex!)
3. Beware of any weight loss plan that promises DRAMATIC RESULTS IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS!!! (when the tiny print at the bottom of the screen says you have to follow a sensible diet and exercise daily)
4. Beware of that pesky strip of toilet paper that insists on following you out of the stall and through the expensive restaurant
5. Beware of desperate romance authors at mall booksignings who offer you candy to come over and fondle their books

CONNIE WARNS:
1. Beware of answering any question that begins with, “Tell me the truth...”
2. Beware of going barefoot to an off-leash dog park.
3. Beware of hair stylists who wants to make you look “sassy.”
4. Beware of one-size fits all anything
5. Beware of cute little girls dressed in khaki uniforms who appear at your door carrying clipboards. If this happens, do not open the door. If you open the door, do not bring your checkbook. If you bring your checkbook you are doomed to spend months of aerobic exercise combating the results of this ill-fated meeting...unless you are Terri, who hides her cookies in the bottom of her freezer (like any cookie could hide from me! :snort)

LIZ WARNS:
1. Beware of the home improvement document that includes the word “estimate.”
2. Beware of the school parent association official who uses the word “volunteer.”
3. Beware of the retail sales associate who, under the fluorescent lights of the fitting room, utters the word “fabulous.”
4. Beware of the twelve-year-old who strings out over several time zones the word “pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase.”
5. Beware of the kitten who resembles the word “angelic.”

ELOISA WARNS:
1.  Beware of overly wet mascara (like Lancome’s), because life is too short to spend your time looking like an owl.
2.  Beware of anyone who resembles Borat.
3.  Beware of the computer.  (This item added by my daughter, who wants me to read Stuart Little right now.)
4.  Beware of Stuart Little.  There are some children’s classics that are just too weird for words.
5.  Beware of SUGAR DADDY by Lisa Kleypas.  It kept me up half the night and I feel like a frazzled french fry.  And I look like one too.  And I would feel like one, except for this warm romantic glow I got from the book!

CHRISTINA WARNS: 
1. Beware of a cigar-smoking woman named Kitty who claims to be a decorator, moves in, drinks wayyyy too much tequila, and “beautifies” your home. (photo is Xtina’s house.)
2. Beware of the new ballet flats. They may be in style, but remember — you weren’t in ballet for a reason.
3. Beware of looking too closely at current photos of Daniel Radcliffe (especially if there’s a horse involved.)
4. Beware of construction workers who come to your house to sand off the lousy finish on your woodwork and refinish it (when it should have been done right the first time), and when they leave a fine silt shifts out of your airvents for weeks, covering everything with dust including your windows, and all the wall trim, and your new bookshelves and all the books you lovingly placed and the picture frames and the knick-knacks which you have wayyyy too many of, and that metal tree sculpture you accidentally left up in the entry which is made of wires and how are you supposed to dust that?
5. Beware of husbands who promise to dust your metal tree sculpture with the air compressor of his nail gun.

So have you ever experienced any of these horrors?  And if you could warn the Squawkers and your fellow Squawkees about something they should beware on the Ides of March, what would it be?